The Birth of the Freaking Awesome News Thread Begins

13468918

Comments

  • edited July 2008
    Argh! I always thought the ones with just Garfield's speech bubbles removed were way funner!
  • edited July 2008
    Garfield Minus Garfield is much darker, and darkness and despair have their own inherent humor.
  • edited August 2008
    My island's being over-run with monsters!
    (07/31/08) MONTAUK - A mysterious creature found on the shore in Montauk three weeks ago has beachgoers and scientists scratching their heads.

    With its pointed head, sharp teeth and short feet, no one has any idea what the creature is. No one knows whether it’s a mammal or a reptile, or even whether it’s real or a hoax. Some say it looks like a sand turtle without a shell or a raccoon without fur.

    “I don’t know man. It looks like something from the Island of Dr. Moreau,” Greg Felline, of Staten Island, says.

    Rachel Goldberg, of Montauk, and two friends say they found the creature on July 11 and snapped two photos of it. They say there were many others on the beach at the time and that someone threw the carcass into the woods. Goldberg would not say who disposed of it or where they left it.

    Rumors floated it could have something to do with the lab at Plum Island, but center Director Dr. Larry Barrett issued a statement to the contrary saying, “I can state categorically that it is not associated with the work performed at the Plum Island Animal Disease Center.”
  • edited August 2008
    Are you the one who killed it?
  • edited August 2008
    This sounds like the perfect setup for a monster movie!
  • edited August 2008
    Cartoon Network Acquires Adventure Time
    Here’s news that’s sure to please a lot of folks. Pendleton Ward’s quirky Adventure Time short has been picked up for a full-series commitment by Cartoon Network, according to this Animation Guild story. The cartoon was originally produced for Nickelodeon’s Random! Cartoons, the as-yet-unaired (I think) shorts series produced by Fred Seibert.

    As a refresher, here’s the original Adventure Time short:


    YESYESYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
  • edited August 2008
    Woot.

    Or should I say, totally math.

    I like how Cartoon Network has been going with the 'weird' shows lately. First Chowder, then Flapjack, then this. Things are getting pretty watchable over there. The fact that they've been reairing Courage the Cowardly Dog is pretty awesome too.
  • edited August 2008
    Really? I haven't watched cartoon network in a while, I should start watching again!
  • edited September 2008
    Normally an obituary wouldn't belong here, but I was left in awe at this man's story. It's really amazing. Here's to you Ian: I hope I can live a life half as interesting and amazing as you have.

    Ian Hibell, a long-distance cyclist, died on August 23rd, aged 74
    IN A man’s life there comes a time when he must get out of Brixham. He must leave the boats bobbing in the harbour, the Devon cream teas, the holiday camp and the steam railway; he must bid farewell to the nine-to-five job at Standard Telephones and Cables, up the A379 in Paignton, and hit the more open road.

    Some might get no farther than Bristol. But Ian Hibell went so far in one direction that his eyebrows crusted with frost and his hands froze; and so far in another that he lay down in the hot sand to die of dehydration (as he expected) under a thorn tree; and so far in another that the safest place to be, out of range of the mosquitoes, was to burrow like an alligator into black, viscous mud.

    In the course of his 40-year travelling life he went the equivalent of ten times round the equator, covering 6,000 miles or so a year. He became the first man to cycle the Darien Gap in Panama, and the first to cycle from the top to the bottom of the American continent. He went from Norway to the Cape of Good Hope and from Bangkok to Vladivostok, wheeling or walking every inch of the way. Every so often he would come back, showing up at STC (from which he had taken, in the beginning, only a two-year leave of absence) with vague murmurings of an apology. But pretty soon the panniers would be packed, the brakes checked, the tyres pumped, and he would be off again.

    His cycle, loaded with 60-80lb of clothes, tent, stove, biscuits, sardines and water, was sometimes a complication. In the Sahara it sank to its hubs in fine, talc-like sand. In the Amazonian jungle he could not squeeze it between the trees. Crossing the great Atrato swamp, where the track became a causeway over slimy logs and then a mat of floating grass, the bike would sometimes sink into nothingness. He became expert at feeling for it in the morass with his feet. Every tricky traverse in mountain, stream or forest needed doing twice over: once to find a way for himself, then to collect the steed, often carrying it shoulder-high through sharp palmetto, or water, or rocks.

    Yet Mr Hibell’s love for his bikes was unconditional. He took them, muddy as they were, into hotels with him, and clung fiercely on to them whenever tribesmen robbed him of the rest of his things. His favourite had a Freddie Grubb frame of Reynolds 531 tubing on a 42-inch wheelbase, reinforced to take the extra weight of goatskins holding water; Campagnolo Nuevo Record gears front and rear; Robregal double-butted 14-16-gauge spokes; and Christophe pedal-straps. It was so lightweight, as touring bikes go, that a group of boys in Newfoundland mocked that it would soon break on their roads. Instead, it did 100,000 miles.

    Bikes rarely let him down. Escaping once from spear-throwing Turkana in northern Kenya, he felt the chain come off, but managed to coast downhill to safety. He crossed China from north to south—in 2006, at 72—with just three brake-block changes, one jammed rear-brake cable and a change of tape on the handlebars. In his book, “Into the Remote Places” (1984), he described his bike as a companion, a crutch and a friend. Setting off in the morning light with “the quiet hum of the wheels, the creak of strap against load, the clink of something in the pannier”, was “delicious”. And more than that. Mr Hibell was a short, sinewy man, not particularly swift on his feet. But on a good smooth downhill run, the wind in his face, the landscape pelting past, he felt “oneness with everything”, like “a god almost”.

    A teapot in the desert
    Human company was less uplifting. His travelling companions usually proved selfish, violent and unreliable, unappreciative of Mr Hibell’s rather proper and methodical approach to putting up a tent or planning a route, leaving (sometimes with essential kit) to strike off by themselves. But there were exceptions. One was the beautiful Laura with whom, after years of shyness towards women, he found love as they skidded down rocky tracks in Peru. Others were the strangers whose kindness he encountered everywhere. Peasants in China shared their dumplings with him; Indians in Amazonia guided him through the jungle; and in a wilderness of sand a pair of Tuareg boys produced from their robes a bag of dates and a small blue teapot, which restored him.

    In a career of hazards, from soldier ants to real soldiers to sleet that cut his face like steel, only motorists did him real damage. The drivers came too close, and passengers sometimes pelted him with bottles (in Nigeria), or with shovelfuls of gravel (in Brazil). In China in 2006 a van drove over his arm and hand. He recovered, but wondered whether his luck would last. It ran out on the road between Salonika and Athens this August, where he was knocked out of the way by a car that appeared to be chasing another.

    At bad moments on his trips he had sometimes distracted himself by thinking of Devonian scenes: green fields, thatched cottages and daffodils. He would return to a nice house, a bit of garden, the job. But that thought could never hold him long. Although his body might long for the end of cycling—a flat seat, a straight back, unclenched hands—his mind was terrified of stopping. And in his mind, he never did.
  • edited September 2008
    Beautiful.
  • edited September 2008
    Here's to you Mr. Hibell.
  • edited September 2008
    Dog dials 911, saves owner
    PHOENIX, Arizona (AP) -- "Man's best friend" doesn't go far enough for Buddy -- a German shepherd who remembered his training and saved his owner's life by calling 911 when the man had a seizure.

    And it's not the first time Buddy has been there for owner Joe Stalnaker, a police officer said Sunday.

    On a recording of the 911 call Wednesday, Buddy is heard whimpering and barking after the dispatcher answers and repeatedly asks if the caller needs help.

    "Hello, this is 911. Hello ... Can you hear me? Is there somebody there you can give the phone to," says the dispatcher, Chris Trott.

    Police were sent to Stalnaker's home, and after about three minutes Buddy is heard barking loudly when the officers arrived.

    Scottsdale police Sgt. Mark Clark said Stalnaker spent two days in a hospital and recovered from the seizure.

    "It's pretty incredible," Clark said. "Even the veteran dispatchers -- they haven't heard of anything like this."

    Clark said police are dispatched whenever 911 is called, but that Stalnaker's address was flagged in Scottsdale's system with a notification that a trained assistance dog could call 911 when the owner was incapacitated.

    Clark said Stalnaker adopted Buddy at the age of 8 weeks from Michigan-based Paws with a Cause, which trains assistance dogs, and trained him to get the phone if he began to have seizure symptoms. Buddy, now 18 months old, is able to press programmed buttons until a 911 operator is on the line, Clark said.

    Clark said Buddy has made two other 911 calls when Stalnaker was having seizures.

    He said Stalnaker's seizures are the result of a head injury he suffered about 10 years ago during a military training exercise.
  • edited September 2008
    Good thing he didn't have a cat.
  • godgod
    edited September 2008
    Afghanistan celebrates Peace Day.
    KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — The U.N. said guns fell silent across much of Afghanistan on Sunday for an international peace day that saw pledges by the U.S., NATO, the Afghan government and the Taliban to halt attacks.
    The U.N. said tens of thousands of international and Afghan soldiers as well as Taliban militants "all stood down from offensive military operations in support of the biggest International Peace Day effort that Afghanistan has known."
    Government officials around the country reported no violence, and several credited Peace Day efforts.
    "Today is Peace Day. The soldiers are resting," said Abdul Jalal Jalal, the police chief in Kunar province, which borders Pakistan.
    When asked if he had any reports of violence, U.S. coalition spokesman Sgt. 1st Class Joel Peavey said, "Not at all."
    "It's crazy, but apparently the Taliban sent out an e-mail saying they were going to abide by it if we were, and we definitely are," he said. "It's a great day to show Afghans exactly what peace is like and how their everyday life would be if they just booted out the bad guys."
    The day was not completely violence-free. Taliban militants attacked a security company guarding a road construction crew in the southern province of Ghazni, killing two guards, said the governor's spokesman, Ismail Jahangir.
    Still, the push for peace was largely successful given that 2008 has been the most violent year in Afghanistan since the 2001 U.S.-led invasion that ousted the Taliban's hard-line Islamist government.
    Taliban attacks have grown larger and more deadly this year. At least 120 U.S. soldiers and 104 troops from other NATO nations have died already in 2008, both record numbers. Overall, more than 4,500 people — mostly militants — have died in insurgency-related attacks this year.
    Sunday was the 26th anniversary of the International Day of Peace, a U.N.-backed push for a day of nonviolence and global cease-fire. The U.N. mission in Afghanistan in particular heavily promotes the day.
    The U.N.'s special representative in the country, Kai Eidi, described the response as "remarkable" and urged all sides in the Afghan conflict to make peace a common goal.
    NATO's top general in Afghanistan ordered all international troops to halt offensive operations from midnight Saturday to midnight Sunday in honor of the day. That order followed an announcement from Afghan President Hamid Karzai that Afghan troops would observe Peace Day.
    A Taliban spokesman said its fighters would also lay down their guns Sunday.
    Afghans around the country celebrated the day with sporting events, gatherings and marches. The Ministry of Public Health launched a polio vaccination campaign in which some 12,000 volunteers would vaccinate up to 1.8 million children from Sunday through Tuesday, the U.N. said.
    The volunteers also planned to vaccinate in the violence-plagued south, where medical workers are routinely attacked. Afghanistan is one of only 14 countries in the world where polio exists, according to the World Health Organization.
    In the northern city of Kunduz, a street that has seen three suicide bombs was rededicated as "Peace Avenue" during a Peace Day ceremony. In the central highland town of Bamiyan, Afghanistan's first Olympic medal winner led a march of Afghan orphans. Rohullah Nikpai won a bronze at the Beijing Olympics in taekwondo in August.
  • edited September 2008
    Post quotes. We're lazy.
  • edited November 2008
    This was an odd article... I didn't know where to post it, so I guess here will do, since he fulfilled his dream moments before death. It's not awesome that he died, but I think it fits less in the effed up news thread or somewhat amusing thread.

    Bowler collapses and dies after rolling 300 game
    RAVENNA, Mich. (WZZM) - Teammates in his bowling league think after rolling a perfect 300 game Don Doane's heart just gave out.

    "You get nervous shooting a 300," says teammate Todd Place. "The pressure keeps building," says bowling alley owner Jim Nutt.

    Minutes after achieving the life long goal of a perfect game the 62 year old bowler collapsed and died at Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna. "Don just collapsed," says alley owner Nutt. " At first we thought he just fainted." "Then when I rolled him over I realized it wasn't good," says teammate Place.

    The teammates say he was giving a high-five minutes before. They tried to revive him but Doane never spoke another word. He died of what was apparently a massive heart attack "He looked fine, reached across the table and gave me a high-five and he fell over," says Place.

    "I think he died by the time he hit the floor." Don Doane was a member of the "Nutt Farm" bowling team at Ravenna Bowl for 45 years. His teammates says its strange not to see him on league nights.

    "It was like a book, a final chapter," says Place. "He threw his 300 game with all of his friends, gave each other high-fives and it's like the story ended. He died with a smile on his face."

    "Don will be a legend," says Nutt. 'It's something that will never be forgotten as long as people bowl here." Ravenna Bowl is planning a memorial ceremony for Doan's' wife Linda and son Chad.
  • edited November 2008
    I was totally just about to post that here. It's a pretty epic way to go.
  • edited November 2008
    I wish I was there to high-five him. ;-;
  • edited November 2008
    Somehow I doubt that the greatest ambition the guy ever had was to get a high bowling score.
  • edited November 2008
    Well it did say "life long goal".
  • edited November 2008
    And he was in his 60s. He could have had other ambitions that were met. Or maybe he was just a small town guy who wanted just to have a good wife, family, and a perfect bowling game. If that's the case, he lived a full life.
  • edited November 2008
    Maybe his dream was to die of a massive heart attack.
  • edited November 2008
    But then it wouldn't quite be his life dream then would it?

    Whatever the situation, at least he did die extremely happy. That's always at least a little nicer to hear about, than hearing about someone dying heartbroken or in pain. His funeral should be bowling-themed... or at least have a bunch of bowling-related puns.
  • edited November 2008
    I hope the last thing I do in life is high five somebody.
  • edited November 2008
    Oh I get it. This is the thread for GOOD news !

    What a freaking awesome death.
  • edited November 2008
    Amoeba Boy wrote: »
    I hope the last thing I do in life is high five somebody.
    cch5planehf4.gif
  • edited November 2008
    ...?
  • edited November 2008
    I think I just decided how to die. Awesome!
  • edited November 2008
    Obama just won the election. If that's not Freaking Awesome I don't know what is.