Nicholas Cage

waitingfortheencorewaitingfortheencore
edited May 2009 in Movies and Shows
From Cracked.com

Nicolas Cage
JUST THE FACTS:

1. Nicolas Cage is an Oscar winning Hollywood movie star who abruptly quit acting at the height of his abilities.

2. He has starred in dozens of films since that time.

3. Cage is one of the youngest actors ever to enter the "Seriously, I Don't Give a Shit" stage of his career. And while actors like Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro have perfected the art of phoning-in a performance, nobody has quite matched Cage's ability to make us wonder if he's fucking with us.

4. Post giving a shit, Cage films are plotted in much the way burritos are ordered at Chipotle. By choosing different combinations from a small, fixed menu, Cage has been able to release an endless variety of barely different films.


nicolascageplotgen.jpg


I think we could seriously have some fun with this one guys!!!
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Comments

  • ReallyCleanSocksReallyCleanSocks
    edited March 2009
    Speaking of things about Nicholas Cage on cracked.com.
  • Amoeba BoyAmoeba Boy
    edited March 2009
    As terrible as his movies may be, I can't really hate Nicholas Cage because it seems like he at least enjoys acting. Also he's fairly insane. Also he was in The Rock, for which, all sins can be forgiven.
  • kukopankikukopanki
    edited March 2009
    In spanish "cague" (pronounced kah-geh) means "to shit" or "he or she shits". Therefore, I exclusively refer to Nicolas Cage as "Nicolas Cague".

    EDIT: This is funny because it seems like I am calling him by his real name, only mispronounced while at the same time implying that he and his acting skills are comparable to shit.
  • DrLeopoldStrabismusDrLeopoldStrabismus
    edited March 2009
    But guys - he was in Werewolf Women of the S.S..
  • SerephelSerephel
    edited March 2009
    I stayed up late one night in middle school and watched 8mm on a free trial of HBO. Shit was fucked up.
  • ApathyApathy
    edited March 2009
    Raising Arizona was one of the greatest films ever.... guess he just stopped picking good scripts.
  • mariomario
    edited March 2009
    I liked him in Adaptation. It's like a battle between motors and horses, like technology versus horse.
  • HamelinHamelin
    edited March 2009
    Until we have robot horses.
  • ReallyCleanSocksReallyCleanSocks
    edited March 2009
    I can't believe this. This thread was supposed to be all about his bad movies, and you insist on talking about his good ones? You people are too optimistic, it makes me sick.
  • ApathyApathy
    edited March 2009
    Pfft.

    We just save ourselves from our pessimism with movies. Or at least that's what I do.

    It'd explain why I get such perverse pleasure from terrible 80's horror, if nothing else (just managed to track down a copy of Killer Klowns from Outer Space last week. I win).
  • shakeycatshakeycat
    edited March 2009
    Face/Off was awesome.
  • Amoeba BoyAmoeba Boy
    edited March 2009
    So I've always heard that he's won an Oscar for something, but no matter who I asked, I've never found out what it was for. Without looking at wikipedia or google, can anybody tell me what he won for?
  • Professor MacJakeProfessor MacJake
    edited March 2009
    Leaving Las Vegas. Pretty good flick, too.
  • mariomario
    edited March 2009
    Amoeba Boy wrote: »
    So I've always heard that he's won an Oscar for something, but no matter who I asked, I've never found out what it was for. Without looking at wikipedia or google, can anybody tell me what he won for?

    I like how, in the case of a simple statistic, you value the input of people who already know a fact over that of those who would look it up. And that you daren't look it up yourself!

    I still need to go see Wicker Man.
  • BehemothBehemoth
    edited March 2009
    To what you are refering I do not know. but I did kind of enjoy Con-Air.
  • geokogeoko
    edited March 2009
    Just thought I should clarify for those who don't know... Nick Cage is bollocks.
  • waitingfortheencorewaitingfortheencore
    edited March 2009
    geoko wrote: »
    Just thought I should clarify for those who don't know... Nick Cage is bollocks.

    Personally I think he is the dogs bollocks!
  • FangédFaerieFangédFaerie
    edited March 2009
    He's like the opposite of what Chuck Norris was, before Chuck Norris got all political and stupid.
  • Drooling IguanaDrooling Iguana
    edited March 2009
    His tears cause cancer and he cries all the time!

    EDIT: Wait, this is supposed to be before Chuck Norris became stupid? Well then I suppose that just means that Cage can kick Bruce Lee's ass.
  • FangédFaerieFangédFaerie
    edited March 2009
    Um, no. I mean that Cage is like Norris is NOW.

    Too many opposites in there.
  • geokogeoko
    edited March 2009
    ... and i'm lost.
  • Drooling IguanaDrooling Iguana
    edited March 2009
    My point was that the only thing Chuck Norris did before he became stupid was to get his ass kicked by Bruce Lee. Therefore, if Cage is the Anti-Norris, he should be able to kick Bruce Lee's ass.

    Of course, this is impossible. The only person who could ever kick Bruce Lee's ass is Burt Ward.
  • SerephelSerephel
    edited March 2009
    And Gilbert Gottfried.
  • Drooling IguanaDrooling Iguana
    edited March 2009
    When did Gilbert Gottfried kick Bruce Lee's ass?
  • SerephelSerephel
    edited March 2009
    He never got the chance. I'm just saying he could.
  • FangédFaerieFangédFaerie
    edited March 2009
    Chuck Norris sucks donkey balls. Nicholas Cage waits in line behind him. THAT's what I'M saying. :P
  • Mish42Mish42
    edited March 2009
    aww, I mostly got the impression that Chuck Norris was a badass. Not lately, duh, but come on-- Walker Texas Ranger was just hilarious. Completely over the top, and you're like "wat" in like every episode**

    **I've only ever watched one episode, so I just assume this is true.
  • geokogeoko
    edited March 2009
    I don't understand what any of this has to do with mortal kombat.
  • X'o'LoreX'o'Lore
    edited March 2009
    Strangely, I don't either.
  • SerephelSerephel
    edited March 2009
    Hold block (up + up +forward + down) release block

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