Fuck this, I'm going to throw myself off a goddamn sheer elevation!
For cheese.
You see, in the UK there is this annual festival called the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling. The gist of it basically is that they throw a big fucking hunk of cheese down a hill and you chase the fucker down. Does that sound simple?
This is the hill:
Not so fucking simple now, eh?
Basically, the hill is very high and very steep. To enter you need to climb to the top and then get ready to run down the thing at full fucking pelt. Now, not only is it steep and high, it is very uneven. Injuries along the lines of sprains, breakages and cuts are common.
So what, eh? Nothing too serious! What's the worst that can happen? A broken arm? Fuck that noise! Where do I sign up?
Ah...
Yeah, a couple of concussions, spinal injuries and broken necks have occurred over the years.
Oh, and think you're safe at the bottom? How do you think they stop you? With a nice padded wall or something safe like that? No. A line of men who were to chickenshit to run down the hill. To stop you have to slam into these men. If they fail to stop you (And they no doubt will), you get to meet your old friend: wonky metal railings which are the only thing stopping you plunging over the edge of a goddamn precipice.
But it's worth it, man. Worth it for the cheese! Behold:
That's not all, of course. It isn't just about the cheese *Cue swelling orchestral score* It's about proving yourself, not only to your fellow man but to yourself. By successfully completing this test of endurance, and some would say, pure lunacy, you show yourself that you are worth something, and perhaps things will get better. Of course, there are those who say that a man who needs to prove himself through something dangerous like this is no real man, but I'm sure we all know the feeling, the feeling that we need to make ourselves stand out. We are all human after all, with human needs and wants.
Oh, also, there are boobs. I'm sure I mentioned the boobs...
You see, in the UK there is this annual festival called the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling. The gist of it basically is that they throw a big fucking hunk of cheese down a hill and you chase the fucker down. Does that sound simple?
This is the hill:
Not so fucking simple now, eh?
Basically, the hill is very high and very steep. To enter you need to climb to the top and then get ready to run down the thing at full fucking pelt. Now, not only is it steep and high, it is very uneven. Injuries along the lines of sprains, breakages and cuts are common.
So what, eh? Nothing too serious! What's the worst that can happen? A broken arm? Fuck that noise! Where do I sign up?
Ah...
Yeah, a couple of concussions, spinal injuries and broken necks have occurred over the years.
Oh, and think you're safe at the bottom? How do you think they stop you? With a nice padded wall or something safe like that? No. A line of men who were to chickenshit to run down the hill. To stop you have to slam into these men. If they fail to stop you (And they no doubt will), you get to meet your old friend: wonky metal railings which are the only thing stopping you plunging over the edge of a goddamn precipice.
But it's worth it, man. Worth it for the cheese! Behold:
That's not all, of course. It isn't just about the cheese *Cue swelling orchestral score* It's about proving yourself, not only to your fellow man but to yourself. By successfully completing this test of endurance, and some would say, pure lunacy, you show yourself that you are worth something, and perhaps things will get better. Of course, there are those who say that a man who needs to prove himself through something dangerous like this is no real man, but I'm sure we all know the feeling, the feeling that we need to make ourselves stand out. We are all human after all, with human needs and wants.
Oh, also, there are boobs. I'm sure I mentioned the boobs...
Comments
My neck hurts in anticipation!
"These brave men gave their lives in the name of cheese..."
Oh course not. That would just be stupid. They throw the cheese first and then chase it down the hill.
They're perfectly legal nationally. They're just illegal in certain states.
Which is one of the reasons I'm petitioning to change my state's motto. "Friendship" is pretty weak. I think "Texas: Because the Rest of Y'all Need to Grow Some Balls" has a nice ring to it, and encapsulates the basic mindset of most of the populace.
Wait, what is the motto for Texas then? I always thought it was "Everything's bigger in Texas."
Either way, at this point I would identify with my city's motto better: "Keep Austin weird"
I think Texas could have a whole bunch of mottos that would work for it.