The Revenge of the Spawn of the Somewhat Amusing News Thread Strikes Back Thread

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Comments

  • edited November 2006
    BULLSHIT!
  • edited November 2006
    Yeah, I don't believe that at all.
  • edited November 2006
    Hey, ya know 98% of teens do or have tried smoking pot at least once in their lives. If you're in that 2% of people who haven't, display this somewhere where people can see it and ridicule you for your gullibility.
  • edited November 2006
    *Agentistics are not intended to be be truthful in any way shape, or form, they are just to entertain the public.
  • edited November 2006
    89% for men and .001% is much, much too low.

    Ha ha, Bush assigns his drop out Secret Service agents to his daughters.
  • edited November 2006
    Bees = Awesome!
    New homeland security buzz: Bomb-sniffing bees

    PHOENIX, Arizona (Reuters) -- Scientists at a U.S. weapons laboratory say they have trained bees to sniff out explosives in a project they say could have far-reaching applications for U.S. homeland security and the Iraq war.

    Researchers at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico said they trained honeybees to stick out their proboscis -- the tube they use to feed on nectar -- when they smell explosives in anything from cars and roadside bombs to belts similar to those used by suicide bombers.

    Researchers in the program, dubbed the Stealthy Insect Sensor Project, published their findings Monday.

    By exposing the insects to the odor of explosives followed by a sugar water reward, researchers said they trained bees to recognize substances ranging from dynamite and C-4 plastic explosives to the Howitzer propellant grains used in improvised explosive devices in Iraq.

    "When bees detect the presence of explosives, they simply stick their proboscis out," research scientist Tim Haarmann told Reuters in a telephone interview. "You don't have to be an expert in animal behavior to understand it as there is no ambiguity."

    The findings followed 18 months of research at the U.S. Energy Department's Los Alamos facility, the nation's leading nuclear weapons laboratory.

    "We are very excited at the success of our research as it could have far-reaching implications for both defense and homeland security," Haarmann said.

    While scientists have trained wasps to respond to the trace of explosives, Haarmann said research with bees appeared to show more promise.

    Haarmann said the bees could be carried in hand-held detectors the size of a shoe box, and could be used to sniff out explosives in airports, roadside security checks, or even placed in robot bomb disposal equipment.

    He said the next step would be to manufacture the bee boxes and train security guards in their use.

    "It would be great to start saving some lives with this," he said.
  • edited November 2006
    Oh yeah? My freakin town mascot is a bee. I believe I just won.
  • edited November 2006
    Those bees are awesome. Go SCIENCE!
  • edited November 2006
    Bees rock so much.
  • edited November 2006
    They don't rock so much when they sting you.
  • edited November 2006
    Then they die so much.
  • edited November 2006
    Then Sherlock Holmes comes to kick your ass. Of course, this would be the old, retired Sherlock Holmes, but he'd still be quite capable of kicking your ass.

    'Cause he's Sherlock Holmes, dammit!
  • edited November 2006
    I heard Sherlock Holmes taught Batman everything he knows.

    Speaking of which, does anyone know if there's a bee-based superhero/villain? It seems like untapped potential.
  • edited November 2006
    Yeah, there's one Teen Titans based character, she can grow to the size of a bee, and flie, and she also has these badass 'Letter B Tazers' that shock the hell out of you. She's like the Sesame street with weapons.

    Also, if I remember correctly You had The Hornet, from one of the Spider Woman Comics.

    And then a guy named after a bee-like insect...but has nothing to do with one...though he's badass... The Green Hornet.
  • edited November 2006
    from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Janet van Dyne was a shallow, self-centered, flighty heiress, daughter of wealthy scientist Vernon van Dyne. During an experiment, however, an alien monster was unleashed and Dr. van Dyne was killed. Her father's associate, Dr. Henry "Hank" Pym, had created a substance called "Pym particles", which allowed the user to grow or shrink in size, and had become the superhero Ant-Man; when Janet's father died, she convinced Pym to help her, and he gave her a supply of "Pym particles" and subjected her to a procedure which granted her the ability to, upon shrinking, grow wings and fire blasts of energy, which she called her "wasp's stings". As Ant-Man and The Wasp, they defeated the monster and sent it to its own dimension, and had several more adventures together.

    That article has a link to another article about the Marvel Zombies comic book, which I now want, because it's all about Marvel villians and heroes...except they're zombies. They eat Galactus at the end of the series.
  • edited December 2006
    Woman Under Fire After In-Flight Flatulence
    NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- What do you do if you pass embarrassing gas on an airplane? One woman found out what not to do.

    A Nashville International Airport spokeswoman said an American Airlines plane bound for Texas had to make an emergency landing Monday morning in Nashville after matches were lit in flight.

    The pilot said the concern was what passengers said they smelled inside the aircraft and that he did not feel it was safe to continue on.

    "About 6:30 this morning, an American Airlines pilot called the FAA tower reporting that passengers were smelling fumes like matches being struck within the cabin," said airport spokeswoman Lynne Lowrance.

    The 99 passengers and five crew members were taken inside the terminal after landing so the plane could be checked out.

    "They did find evidence of where matches had been struck in an individual's seating area. That individual is being questioned by the FBI at this time," Lowrance said.

    A woman passenger told investigators that she lit matches to mask gas that she emitted.

    "You can take up to eight books of safety matches, the paper matches, onto the aircraft," Lowrance said.

    Just before noon authorities said the passengers re-boarded the plane and continued on to Texas.

    The female passenger was released without being charged, but was not allowed back on the American Airlines flight.
  • edited December 2006
    That was great! You made my day.
  • edited December 2006
    I live to serve!
  • edited December 2006
    Haha, gas is funny. You should be proud of a good fart!

    Anyway, found this...

    Child Arrested After Opening Christmas Gift Early
    What is the penalty for opening your Christmas presents too early?

    For one South Carolina 12-year-old, the penalty was arrest.

    A Rock Hill, S.C., woman called police and asked them to arrest her son who opened a Christmas present early after being told not to, the Rock Hill Herald reported. Police went to the house and arrested the boy and charged him with petty larceny.

    The paper reported that the boy's great-grandmother had specifically told him not to open his present, which contained a Nintendo Game Boy Advance. It was wrapped and lying under the Christmas tree, the police report stated.

    But on Sunday morning, the gift was unwrapped and the box was empty. So when the boy's mother found out, she alerted police, the paper reported.

    "He took it without permission. He wanted it. He just took it," the 63-year-old great-grandmother told the Herald.

    The women said that the boy lied to them at first, saying he was unaware of where the video game system was. After threat of calling the police, the boy apparently gave the toy back to his mother, the paper reported. But the upset mother called police anyway.

    Two officers responded and charged the child as a juvenile with petty larceny, although he was not jailed.

    The mother told the Herald that she didn't know what else to do with her son, so she called police. The paper reported she is a single mother and has been struggling with constant behavior problems from the boy. She said her son still showed no remorse when the police came.

    "I'm trying to get him some kind of help," the 27-year-old mother told the paper. "He's the type of kid who doesn't believe anything until it happens."

    She said he has shoplifted, stolen money from her, punched a police officer and is nearing expulsion from school. She told the paper that she hopes this arrest will be a wake-up call for her son, because she worries about getting a call someday telling her he's been killed.

    The mother plans to have her son placed with the state Department of Juvenile Justice in Columbia at his court appearance, the Herald reported.
  • edited December 2006
    the 63-year-old great-grandmother

    0_o'
  • edited December 2006
    Wait, they were giving him a GBA as a gift this year? And I thought my only getting a PS2 now was behind the curve.
  • edited December 2006
    Woman shoots self, mistaking pistol for cigarette lighter.
    A woman staying at a northeast Georgia motel this week shot herself while trying to light a cigarette with a pistol she mistook for a cigarette lighter, police said.

    Police said Olivia Hutcherson, 21, of Anderson, S.C., had been arrested for fighting at a Waffle House shortly before she shot herself in the hand with a .22-caliber pistol she had tried to use to light a cigarette.

    Lavonia Police Chief Randy Shirley said Hutcherson was staying with two other people at a Best Western motel at about 6 a.m. on Sunday.

    When she reached onto a nightstand for what she thought was a lighter, she instead grabbed a pistol owned by Bobby Brown, 56, of Royston, Shirley said.

    About 90 minutes earlier, Hutcherson had slapped a man in the face three times after she said he touched her inappropriately, according to police reports.

    Five witnesses told police they never saw the man touch her.

    "She stated that someone had grabbed her from behind and she turned and struck the first person she saw," an officer wrote in the report.
  • edited December 2006
    It's true! Cigarettes kill you!
  • edited December 2006
    the 63-year-old great-grandmother
    Agentcel wrote: »
    0_o'

    Well, the mother was 27 with a 12-year-old kid. That means she was 15 when she had him. The average age of the grandmother and great-grandmother for having kids would at least be 18, which looks a bit better by comparison. Still says something about them though.

    As for the woman shooting herself, that article doesn't stay on subject very well. It makes her sound a bit messed up in the head considering she apparently shot herself in the hand earlier doing the same thing.
  • edited December 2006
    You're right, it is a little odd. She got into an altercation with a man at a waffle house and then later shot herself in the hand. Two completely unrelated stories. I guess the part about shooting herself in the hand wasn't long enough to write about.
  • edited December 2006
    Though it is quite interesting as she nearly disproved natural selection.
  • edited December 2006
    Good thing they don't make cigarette lighters that look like and are the size of sawed off shotguns.
  • edited December 2006
    They need to so that natural selection can take its course. Why the hell do you buy a lighter that looks like a gun and then leave it next to a REAL gun?
  • edited December 2006
    had been arrested for fighting at a Waffle House shortly before
    Those must've been awesome waffles.