The Revenge of the Spawn of the Somewhat Amusing News Thread Strikes Back Thread

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  • edited December 2006
    Most waffles are.
  • edited December 2006
    Not at Waffle House. I went to one'o'those once, and I have two words: Pig Sty. It was gross, man. I didn't want to wash my hands in the bathroom because the paper towels were dirty. The food wasn't very... cooked, and the waiter was kind of icky as well.
  • edited December 2006
    Dude, that's the best part! If they don't have time for things like basic hygiene and customer service you know all their energy is going into making damn fine waffles.
  • edited December 2006
    As a new resident to the deep south (as the US Military has mandated of me!) I have to input my input about the food chain known as Waffle House!

    "They are like hookers": there's one on every street corner, they'll give you delicious food for cheap, and some have STDs!
  • edited December 2006
    My friends and I regularly use a Waffle House as a meeting point before venturing off to other parts. So as the self-styled local Waffle House expert, I can officially say that all the previous statements are 100% true.

    They're all over the south, disgustingly filthy, and make fantastic waffles. And despite all the times I've eaten there, I'm not sure if I've ever seen the same waiter twice. They're seriously a single step above a truck stop in terms of quality, but they're awesome despite/because of it.
  • edited December 2006
    "Tell 'em Large Marge sent ya!"
  • edited December 2006
    OMFG! PeeWee Herman reference. And the worst part is, despite having not seen that mvie for well over a decade, I recognized that quote instantly.

    I've never been to a Waffle House before. I generally don't like eating out unless it's a nice italian place. I don't trust people making minimum wage to touch my food. Unless I can watch them at like a Burger King, but I try not to eat there much, either.
  • edited December 2006
    Judge Dismisses Meowing Charges Against 14-Year-Old
    A judge dismissed charges on Monday against a 14-year-old boy accused of meowing whenever he saw his 78-year-old neighbor.

    Police had charged Michael Loughner with misdemeanor harassment this summer.

    The boy's family got rid of its cat after Alexandria Carasia complained it was using her flower garden as a litter box.

    Carasia claimed the boy would make meowing sounds every time he saw her.

    The boy says he only meowed at her twice.

    Hahaha what a crazy lawsuit OH GOD WHY AM I POSTING I SHOULD BE WRITING TERM PAPERS
  • edited December 2006
    Insert Super Troopers quote here.
  • edited December 2006

    You deserved it, you old hag. I doubt the cat was even using your garden as a litter box.
  • edited December 2006
    Poop is fertilizer!
  • edited December 2006
    OH GOD WHY AM I POSTING I SHOULD BE WRITING TERM PAPERS

    Ditto.
    mjc0961 wrote: »
    I doubt the cat was even using your garden as a litter box.

    Ever have an outdoor cat? I bet it WAS.
    hlavco wrote: »
    Poop is fertilizer!

    This is true, but I'm not sure about the value of cat poo as fertilizer. On a side note, kittens are good at demolishing plants.
  • edited December 2006
    Silly string saves lives!
    STRATFORD, N.J. -- In an age of multimillion-dollar high-tech weapons systems, sometimes it's the simplest ideas that can save lives. Which is why a New Jersey mother is organizing a drive to send cans of Silly String to Iraq.

    U.S. troops use the stuff to detect tripwires around bombs, as Marcelle Shriver learned from her son, a soldier in Iraq.

    Before entering a building, troops squirt the plastic goo, which can shoot strands three to four metres across the room. If it falls to the ground, no tripwires. If it hangs in the air, they know they have a problem. The wires are otherwise nearly invisible.

    Now, 1,000 cans of the neon-coloured plastic goop are packed into Ms. Shriver's one-car garage in this town outside Philadelphia, ready to be shipped to the Middle East thanks to two churches and a pilot who heard about the drive.

    "If I turn on the TV and see a soldier with a can of this on his vest, that would make this all worth it," said Ms. Shriver, 57, an office manager.

    The maker of the Silly String brand, Just for Kicks Inc. of Watertown, N.Y., has contacted the Shrivers about making a donation. Other manufacturers make the stuff, too, and call their products "party string" or "crazy string."

    "Everyone in the entire corporation is very pleased that we can be involved in something like this," said Rob Oram, Just for Kicks product-marketing manager.

    The military is reluctant to talk about the use of Silly String, saying that discussing specific tactics will tip off insurgents.

    But Lieutenant-Colonel Christopher Garver, a U.S. military spokesman in Baghdad, said army soldiers and marines are not forbidden to come up with new ways to do their jobs, especially in Iraq's ever-evolving battlefield. And he said commanders are given money to buy non-standard supplies as needed.

    In other cases of battlefield improvisation in Iraq, U.S. soldiers have bolted scrap metal to Humvees in what is known as "hillbilly armour."

    Soldiers also put condoms and rubber bands around their rifle muzzles to keep out sand.

    In an October call to his mother, Army Specialist Todd Shriver explained how his unit in the insurgent hotbed of Ramadi learned from marines to use Silly String on patrol to detect booby traps.

    Ms. Shriver said that since the string comes in an aerosol can, it is considered a hazardous material, meaning the U.S. Postal Service will not ship it by air. But a private pilot who heard about her campaign has agreed to fly the cans to Kuwait, most likely in January, where they will then be taken to Iraq.
  • edited December 2006
    XoLore wrote: »
    Ever have an outdoor cat? I bet it WAS.

    Probably not! If the kid only meowed twice (I'm inclined to believe the kid over the old hag here because she actually filed charges against a 14 year old for this), I'm willing to bet she lied about the cat pooing in her garden in the first place.

    And that silly sting thing is awesome. As long as we don't have to start calling it "freedom string" now, it's awesome. (I probably just screwed myself by initially calling it that and saying "don't do it.")
  • edited December 2006
    I have no doubt that she found cat poo in her garden. They like to use the looser soil, it's easier to bury their poo in. But she's definitely a bitch if she cmplained baout it. It's not exactly harmful, and it shouldn't be any more of an inconvenience than finding a rock. I mean, she made them get rid of their cat because she wanted to have a flower garden.
  • edited December 2006
    Those crazy American soldiers and their silly string.

    I applaud this equally applicable and cheaper use of tax dollars.
  • edited December 2006
    Behemoth wrote: »
    I have no doubt that she found cat poo in her garden. They like to use the looser soil, it's easier to bury their poo in. But she's definitely a bitch if she cmplained baout it. It's not exactly harmful, and it shouldn't be any more of an inconvenience than finding a rock. I mean, she made them get rid of their cat because she wanted to have a flower garden.

    I'd like to know how she made them get rid of it in the first place, because if it was me, I would have told her to screw off in the first place. Obviously if she filed harrasment charges against a 14 year old who's upset about losing his cat, she wasn't a pleasant person to begin with and probably had a nice telling-off coming long before trying to get rid of my cat.
  • edited December 2006
    Speaking of bad neighbors, here's a Reader's Digest story I found quite interesting.
  • edited December 2006
    Side note: What's up with sites loading the article last thing? I don't care about your colored nav buttons. I wanted to read the article. Stop making me wait.

    On topic: Wow, that woman is crazy. What a bitch. But they shouldn't have given her a plea deal, they should have locked her away in a mental hospital so she can't do that to other people.
  • edited December 2006
    Sports-formula jellybeans. My school is so close to the Jelly Belly plant that this was fairly inevitable. No word on whether these beans outperform Kool Aid, which is supposed to work as well as Gatorade.
  • edited December 2006
    Serephel wrote: »
    I applaud this equally applicable and cheaper use of tax dollars.

    It's not cheaper at all! The silly string is being used in lieu of (I assume) nothing! You can bet I'll try to have a can on me at all times when I go over there, though.
  • edited December 2006
    For emergency parties!
  • edited December 2006
    Stef wrote: »
    Sports-formula jellybeans. My school is so close to the Jelly Belly plant that this was fairly inevitable. No word on whether these beans outperform Kool Aid, which is supposed to work as well as Gatorade.

    I think I'd rather just swallow down a nice cup of Gatorade (or Powerade, if that's the only choice) than have to chew down some jelly beans.
  • edited December 2006
    armypi9.png
  • edited December 2006
    Goooood eatin'.
  • edited December 2006
    TIME magazine is probably thinking they're really clever, but they're actually lazy, pretentious jack-offs.
    Person of the Year: You

    From the December 25, 2006 issue of TIME magazine

    The "Great Man" theory of history is usually attributed to the Scottish philosopher Thomas Carlyle, who wrote that "the history of the world is but the biography of great men." He believed that it is the few, the powerful and the famous who shape our collective destiny as a species. That theory took a serious beating this year.

    To be sure, there are individuals we could blame for the many painful and disturbing things that happened in 2006. The conflict in Iraq only got bloodier and more entrenched. A vicious skirmish erupted between Israel and Lebanon. A war dragged on in Sudan. A tin-pot dictator in North Korea got the Bomb, and the President of Iran wants to go nuclear too. Meanwhile nobody fixed global warming, and Sony didn't make enough PlayStation3s.

    But look at 2006 through a different lens and you'll see another story, one that isn't about conflict or great men. It's a story about community and collaboration on a scale never seen before. It's about the cosmic compendium of knowledge Wikipedia and the million-channel people's network YouTube and the online metropolis MySpace. It's about the many wresting power from the few and helping one another for nothing and how that will not only change the world, but also change the way the world changes.

    The tool that makes this possible is the World Wide Web. Not the Web that Tim Berners-Lee hacked together (15 years ago, according to Wikipedia) as a way for scientists to share research. It's not even the overhyped dotcom Web of the late 1990s. The new Web is a very different thing. It's a tool for bringing together the small contributions of millions of people and making them matter. Silicon Valley consultants call it Web 2.0, as if it were a new version of some old software. But it's really a revolution.

    And we are so ready for it. We're ready to balance our diet of predigested news with raw feeds from Baghdad and Boston and Beijing. You can learn more about how Americans live just by looking at the backgrounds of YouTube videos those rumpled bedrooms and toy-strewn basement rec rooms than you could from 1,000 hours of network television.

    And we didn't just watch, we also worked. Like crazy. We made Facebook profiles and Second Life avatars and reviewed books at Amazon and recorded podcasts. We blogged about our candidates losing and wrote songs about getting dumped. We camcordered bombing runs and built open-source software.

    America loves its solitary geniuses its Einsteins, its Edisons, its Jobses but those lonely dreamers may have to learn to play with others. Car companies are running open design contests. Reuters is carrying blog postings alongside its regular news feed. Microsoft is working overtime to fend off user-created Linux. We're looking at an explosion of productivity and innovation, and it's just getting started, as millions of minds that would otherwise have drowned in obscurity get backhauled into the global intellectual economy.

    Who are these people? Seriously, who actually sits down after a long day at work and says, I'm not going to watch Lost tonight. I'm going to turn on my computer and make a movie starring my pet iguana? I'm going to mash up 50 Cent's vocals with Queen's instrumentals? I'm going to blog about my state of mind or the state of the nation or the steak-frites at the new bistro down the street? Who has that time and that energy and that passion?

    The answer is, you do. And for seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game, TIME's Person of the Year for 2006 is you.

    Sure, it's a mistake to romanticize all this any more than is strictly necessary. Web 2.0 harnesses the stupidity of crowds as well as its wisdom. Some of the comments on YouTube make you weep for the future of humanity just for the spelling alone, never mind the obscenity and the naked hatred.

    But that's what makes all this interesting. Web 2.0 is a massive social experiment, and like any experiment worth trying, it could fail. There's no road map for how an organism that's not a bacterium lives and works together on this planet in numbers in excess of 6 billion. But 2006 gave us some ideas. This is an opportunity to build a new kind of international understanding, not politician to politician, great man to great man, but citizen to citizen, person to person. It's a chance for people to look at a computer screen and really, genuinely wonder who's out there looking back at them. Go on. Tell us you're not just a little bit curious.


    FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

    To hell with that, I vote Mario as Man of the Year.
  • edited December 2006
    I stopped reading that garbage after they cited Wikipedia as both a good source of knowledge and an actual source for thing in their article. Wikipedia is shit, and so is Time magazine for using it as a source. I'd say that this article actually belongs in the Fucked Up News thread just for that alone.
  • edited December 2006
    I think it's a cool view to think of us all as not individuals, but as cells in a LARGER ORGANISM. Hormones allowed single-celled organisms to evolve into multicellular behemoths, a more advanced brain and sexual reproduction made us evolve from lone creatures to communal cog-machines, roads made our cities connect into empires, and so now the WWW allows like minds to congeal into something greater than the sum of its parts.
    originally sang by Tenacious D
    THAT'S FUCKING TEEEEAMWOOOOORK.
  • edited December 2006
    It's about time I was recognized for my achievements.