The Revenge of the Spawn of the Somewhat Amusing News Thread Strikes Back Thread

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  • edited September 2007
    Hahaha, glad to see someone in that office still has a sense of humor.
  • edited September 2007
    'Fart Spray' Attack at Local Restaurant
    CLEVELAND -- Three employees went to the hospital, $1,000 worth of food was thrown out and two men could face felony charges after a "fart spray" attack at a local restaurant.

    According to Brook Park police, a couple of pranksters could face felony charges after spraying "Fart Spray" into a local restaurant.

    Two men pulled up to the drive-thru window at the Rally's on Snow Road in Cleveland and sprayed a bottle of the offensive product.

    The manager of the restaurant wasn't sure what the substance was.

    As a precaution, he threw away more than $1,000 worth of food, and three of his employees wound up going to the Southwest Medical Center to be checked out.

    The workers were able to jot down a license plate, and police arrested an 18-year-old man and a 30-year-old man.

    The two men could face felony charges, due to the financial losses suffered by the restaurant.

    Big Fun, a store on Coventry in Cleveland, sells the spray and the store owner Steve Presser says the smell of the spray is very offensive.

    "You have to be careful. You have to know where you are doing it and who you are doing it to," says Presser. "I presume the workers were not laughing, and unfortunately for them, they were at the other end of the prank. I feel sorry for them because this is an overwhelming smell."
  • edited September 2007
    Just like in that episode of Seinfeld!

    Suspects Arraigned In Pop Can Smuggling Ring
    DETROIT -- Authorities said they arrested 10 people and seized more than $500,000 in cash after breaking up a smuggling ring that collected millions of beverage containers in other states and cashed them in for 10 cents apiece in Michigan.

    The 10 people were arraigned on charges ranging from false pretense, a possible 5-year felony to running a criminal enterprise, a possible 20-year sentence.

    A total of 15 people were named in a 67-count warrant issued as part of Operation Can Scam, Attorney General Mike Cox said Wednesday. Some suspects were members of two smuggling rings based in Ohio and others were Michigan merchants who took part in the scheme, he said.

    Local 4 News has learned the names of the men arrested, Marlow Sattam, 21, Waleed Kada, 23, Eddie Barash, 56, Aziz Miha Aboona, 48, Saad Choulagh, 37, Essam Sattam, 47, Adnan Elias Kada, 46, Romel Kejbou, 52, Michael Friedrick Krauthofer, 37, and Eddi Aboona.

    They ran grocery stores such as Save Plus Superstore in Pontiac, The Larosa Market In Sylvan Lake and Value Foods in Ypsilanti, police also raided The Farmer John, Savemart Food Center and the Americana foods, all three in Detroit.

    Investigators alleged that millions of non-redeemable out-of-state cans were collected, crushed, packaged in plastic bags and sold at a discount to merchants who then redeemed them.

    Bulk redemption payments from the state are based on weight.

    The scheme defrauded the Michigan Bottle Deposit Fund, whose proceeds are used to pay for environmental cleanup efforts, Cox said in a statement.

    "Each year, this type of activity defrauds the state approximately $13 million," said Col. Peter Munoz, Michigan State Police director.

    The charges include maintaining a continuing criminal enterprise, a 20-year felony, and fraud, a 5-year felony, the statement said.

    The probe recalled a 1996 episode of "Seinfeld" in which two characters learn about Michigan's 10-cent deposit law and head there with a truckload of 5-cent New York cans, hoping to cash in on the difference, before getting sidetracked.

    "A half-million in cash is not 'Seinfeld' humor," Cox spokesman Matt Frendewey said.
  • edited September 2007
    You're kidding me. That Episode is from 1996? Where does the time go?
  • edited September 2007
    So, thanks to Jake for finally explaining that there are subtle differences between all the news threads.

    Conservatives cock-up over pound again
    A Tory blog has been penetrated by an act of classic web waggery after it leeched bandwidth via a picture used to illustrate a posting about party fees.
    There was something of an uprising among members last year, with some claiming they were being shafted by the new pricing structure.

    The Blaby Conservative Future site, run by young Tories in Leicestershire, unleashed this entry in June 2006. They used a picture sourced at a personal homepage site, and rather than downloading and hosting the image file lazily linked it.
    Apparently, the owner noticed yesterday, and didn't appreciate the Conservatives sucking on his bandwidth. He decided to pump their Blogger page with a different image, as exposed below. It comes from top Photoshop humourists B3ta.com. Eagle-eyed readers will notice the words "vote Labour" underneath the coin.

    Once the switcheroo was made, some fine internet gagsmiths piled into the comments section (we can confirm it is not moderated, and open to all comers). Our favourites include:
    I fail to see how such a small rise in subscriptions can make a vas deferens to the running of Conservative Future.
    I agree, we should suck it up for the greater good of the Party.
    Great to see some of that true Tory spunk coming back into politics. Well done.

    And so it goes. Seminal stuff. The man pictured next to the unpalatable coin is Andrew Robathan MP, the parliamentary party's deputy chief whip.
    At time of writing, the image and the post are still being paraded for all to see. Get it before they pull it off.

    Click to see the coin.
  • edited October 2007
    North Carolina pair feud over leg
    A US man who stored his amputated leg in a barbecue smoker that was later auctioned off is locked in a custody dispute with the man who bought it.

    John Wood's smoker was sold to Shannon Whisnant last week after he fell behind on payments at the storage facility in North Carolina where it was kept.

    He wants his leg back but Mr Whisnant says he has a receipt for the smoker's contents and wants to share ownership.

    Mr Wood's leg was amputated above the knee after a plane crash in 2004.

    He asked to keep the leg so he could be buried as a whole man when he died, and stored it at the facility in Maiden after losing his home.

    But when Mr Wood failed to pay the necessary rental fees, the storage company auctioned the smoker and all its contents.

    'Strange incident'

    After buying the smoker last Tuesday, Mr Whisnant looked inside and found a man's leg wrapped in a wire screen.

    He initially gave the leg to the police, who concluded it had not been removed as a result of a crime and sent it to a funeral home until Mr Wood could pick it up.

    But after making money by charging adults $3 (£1.47) and children $1 (49p) to look inside the empty smoker, Mr Whisnant asked for it back.

    His request was refused by the funeral home, so he decided to try to persuade Mr Wood to share custody and profits.

    "I told him I'd share custody of it..." Mr Whisnant said.

    "It's a strange incident and Halloween's just around the corner. The price will go up if I get the leg."

    'Despicable'

    Mr Wood, who now lives in Greenville, South Carolina, has insisted he is not interested in using the leg to make money and plans to travel to Maiden as soon as possible to reclaim it.

    "I just think it's despicable," he said.

    "I don't mind having the 15 minutes of fame, but I'm not looking to really profit off this thing.

    "He's making a freak show out of it."

    Having had his offer rejected, Mr Whisnant has threatened to begin legal action if the leg is not returned to him by next week.

    He says he has a receipt showing he bought both the smoker and its contents at the auction.

    "Everybody knows it's mine, period," he said. "And if anyone tries to take it, I want everything they got."
  • edited October 2007
    DAMN YOU! I was gonna post that story!
  • edited October 2007
    Legally, Whisnant has ownership of the leg. If the receipt states "smoker and all its contents" then that includes anything in the smoker. The term 'contents' could be contested however, arguing that an amputated leg does not constitute normal contents of a barbeque smoker.

    Of course, Whisnant could just not be a prick and give the damn thing back.
  • edited October 2007
    Yeah, but does that apply to human parts? You can't legally sell livers and stuff, is a leg any different?
  • edited October 2007
    I think they got that "charging an arm and a leg" bit turned around and generally messed up.
  • edited October 2007
    Hamelin wrote: »
    Yeah, but does that apply to human parts? You can't legally sell livers and stuff, is a leg any different?

    Actually, Hamelin, you may be right.
  • edited October 2007
    This is probably older news, but it was interesting to locate what the plot of the movie might be about.

    Thundercat Movie(2009)
    Review Summary

    Their home planet of Thundera destroyed by an evil sorcerer who is intent on erasing all evidence that they ever existed, a race of humanoid cats arrive on a planet known as Third Earth in search of shelter. Little do they realize, however, that malevolent wizard Mumm-Ra has tracked them through space and has recently arrived on Third Earth to complete the mission that he started back on Thundera. As the frightened feline humanoids fight for their lives on an unfamiliar planet, a lone hero named Lion-O will emerge as the one leader who could save them from ultimate annihilation. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide


    Lion-o: How...how was Thundera destroyed?
    Jaga: A wizard did it.



    If this is what the actual movie plot is going to be, it sounds pretty goofy. I wish they would stop making all these origin movies and just get into the action.

    And here's another article:Warner purrs for Thundercats
  • edited October 2007
    Watch your pants!
    ATLANTA -- The new iPod Nano is hot. But one Douglasville man said his old Nano got even hotter -- hot enough to burst into flames.
    "So I look down and I see flames coming up to my chest," said Danny Williams.
    Williams said the burn hole from the pocket of his pants marks the spot of his 15 seconds of flame. He said he had an iPod Nano and an glossy piece of paper in his pocket. He believes the paper shielded him from being burned.
    "I'm still kind of freaked out that after only a year and a half my iPod caught fire in my pocket," said Williams.
    The iPod uses a lithium ion battery -- the same type of battery under recall for setting laptops on fire.
    Williams said the fact is iPod Nano burst into flames while he was at work was bad enough, where he works could have been another issue. He works at a kiosk in Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport.
    "If TSA had come by and seen me smoking, they could have honestly thought I was a terrorist," said Williams.
    Williams said Apple wants him to send his iPod back and they've vowed to replace it. Williams' mother called Channel 2 because she said this is more than one iPod. She said it's about what could have happened.
    "It could have happened when we were sleeping, it could have happened when he was driving and the outcome could have been much worse," said Elaine Williams.
    After Channel 2 sent Apple pictures of the iPod, they called back but they refused to say how common the problem is. In fact, Apple refused to talk about this particular incident at all.
  • edited October 2007
    He's lucky it wasn't in his pants pocket, 'cause then no one would believe his story.
  • edited October 2007
    I'm very conflicted as to what to believe. On one hand he said it was his pants, but then that must mean it wasn't, but if it was then it could be.

    The statement below is false.
    The statement above is true.

    Arg!
  • edited October 2007
    I don't understand where it says it wasn't in his pants. Am I missing something?

    EDIT: also;
    XoLore wrote: »
    The statement below is false.
    The statement above is true.

    If the first one (p) is true, then the second one(q) is false but if q is false then p is false which means that q is true which means that p really is true which means that q is false so p can't be true but if it's false then it rue. OH NO!

    OR: both statements are true with a provision. If q is false, then p is true, therefore q is true. and If p is false, then q is true, therefore p is true.
  • edited October 2007
    Behemoth wrote: »
    I don't understand where it says it wasn't in his pants. Am I missing something?
    Sure, he says it was in his pants, but are you going to trust someone who's pants are on fire?

    (Actually, for whatever reason when I read the article I thought it was in his shirt pocket. I'm not sure why. I blame the government.)
  • edited October 2007
    Doctors save man with vodka drip
    Australian doctors have kept an Italian tourist alive by feeding him vodka through a drip for three days, medical staff in Queensland say.

    The 24-year-old man, who had swallowed a poison in an apparent suicide attempt, was treated while in a coma.

    Doctors set up the drip after running out of medicinal alcohol, used as an antidote to the poison.
  • edited October 2007
    I wonder who thought of that idea and if the doctors kept a hidden stash of vodka just in case something like this would happen. :D

    That's good they were able to help him. I'd rather see people using an alcoholic beverage to save other people rather than abusing it.

    Warning over vodka snorting fad
    Some drinkers are snorting vodka through the nose to get drunk more quickly in a fad that alcohol health workers say could be dangerous.

    The Alcohol Problems Advisory Service in Derby said people were snorting the spirit through a straw or from a thin glass tube.

    Bar owners have told BBC that the trend is on the rise amongst some drinkers in the city, particularly students.

    Officials have warned the activity can lead to long-term health damage.

    Nose damage

    Bar staff said some people were "in tears" after trying the trend, while others reacted so quickly they were seen falling to the floor as a result of snorting the alcohol.

    Nick Tegadine from the Alcohol Problems Advisory Service said pubs, clubs and bars should get together with the authorities to clamp down robustly on the problem.

    "It will get you drunk more quickly than drinking vodka, which of course is why some people do it but over time it will damage your nose.

    "The fact that you get drunk more quickly means you are more likely to have an accident and do things that you later regret."

    He said vodka is also being sold in thin tubes, which allows the drinker to insert the spirit like nose drops.

    "These things tend not to sustain themselves because eventually bars get the message that they're getting more trouble than its worth.

    "It's not a very nice thing to do, its like taking nose drops ... and when you're collapsed on the floor you certainly do not look very clever," Mr Tegadine said.

    "It's hopefully a passing phase but it will pass much more quickly if the club owners act responsibly, police and trading standards get together and say this is a bad idea don't do it."

    The Coyote Wild club in the city has already banned people from snorting vodka on its premises and owners said anyone caught doing so would be barred.
  • edited October 2007
    I can finally marry my hobo babies before eating them! I've always wanted to do that! I don't know why, as I can't think of any possible logical explanation, but still!
  • godgod
    edited October 2007
    You can get life insurance on them before eating, and get money. For more hobo babies.
  • edited October 2007
    There is going to be a flood of eager babies to Arkansas before they get that law fixed.
  • edited October 2007
    If they allow babies to get married, what's next? Babies marrying puppies? This is clearly the next logical step.
  • edited October 2007
    Their children would be so cute
  • edited October 2007
    Man gets probation for secret apartment at mall
    PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island (AP) -- The leader of an artists' cooperative has been sentenced to probation for setting up a secret apartment inside a shopping mall's parking garage as part of a project on mall life.

    Michael Townsend, 36, said he and seven other artists built the 750-square-foot apartment beginning in 2003 and lived there for up to three weeks at a time.

    The artists built a cinderblock wall and nondescript utility door to keep the loft hidden from the outside world.

    But inside, the apartment was fully furnished, down to a hutch filled with china and a Sony Playstation 2 -- although a burglar broke in and stole the Playstation last spring, Townsend said.

    There was no running water -- instead they used the mall bathrooms.

    On his Web site, Townsend said he was inspired by a Christmastime ad for the mall which featured a "an enthusiastic female voice talking about how great it would be if you (we) could live at the mall."

    He built the dwelling "out of a compassion to understand the mall more and life as a shopper."

    Townsend said plans to make the apartment "super-sweet" with laminated wood flooring and other perks fell apart last week after he and a visiting artist from Hong Kong walked into the room and were greeted by three security guards. He pleaded no contest to a trespassing charge.

    Providence Place Mall spokesman Dante Bellini Jr. described the living space as little more than "an area with stuff in it."

    But Providence Police Maj. Stephen Campbell said he and other detectives were so intrigued they visited the apartment to see for themselves.

    "I was surprised at what he was able to accomplish," Campbell said. "But what he did was clearly criminal. The mall is private property."

    Edit: Click the link; there is a video tour of the apartment.
  • edited October 2007
    Guys I'm not kidding - Providence place mall is so totally huge and sweet. I don't blame this guy. Finding parking sucks, though, even though the parking garage is huge.
  • edited October 2007
    US bride sues over wilted bouquets
    NEW YORK (AFP) - Newlyweds in New York have filed a 400,000 dollar lawsuit against the florist who supplied the flowers for their wedding, saying they were the wrong color and wilted, press reports said Tuesday.

    Among things that drew the ire of the bride, Elana Glatt, who also happens to be a lawyer, were the alleged inclusion of cheaper orchids than promised in the bridal bouquet, the New York Times reported.

    She also complained about five dollar street vendor-quality roses in arrangements for which the florist charged 55-65 dollars, and dusty vases with no water.

    But the most "egregious" of her numerous complaints was the fact that florist Stamos Arakas had substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for the rust and green flowers she had chosen for the centerpieces.

    "The use of predominantly pastel centerpieces had a significant impact on the look of the room and was entirely inconsistent with the vision the plaintiffs had bargained for," the Times quoted the lawsuit as saying.

    Glatt said the flowers were paid for in advance by her mother-in-law and cost more than 27,000 dollars.

    In her suit, which outlines numerous "distressing and embarrassing" offenses, she accuses Arakas of "unjust enrichment."

    Arakas told the New York Times that Glatt had sent him several emails prior to filing the lawsuit, demanding a 4,000 dollar refund, but he ignored them because "they were so insulting."

    It's shame that someone would sue $400,000 for flowers. Sounds a bit extreme.Trying to get a refund on something you did not order is a different matter.I would understand it if both parties had signed a contract of what was exactly ordered and such. If anything else, you'd think the mother-in-law would get a refund not the bride since the MIL purchased the flowers.

    Edit: Wow, I made it to my 100th post! I thought it would take me until January to reach that milestone! Yay!
  • edited October 2007
    Well at first she was only requesting a $4000 refund according to the article. It was only when the florist ignored those that she went for the lawsuit.
  • edited October 2007
    Spears' mother plans parenting book

    By Dana Ford Fri Oct 26, 5:07 PM ET

    LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - As lawyers for Britney Spears and her ex-husband fought a court battle over custody of their two young sons, a publisher said on Friday that the pop star's mother is writing a book about parenting.

    Religious publisher Thomas Nelson said it will publish "Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World," by Lynne Spears. Nelson spokesman Curt Harding said the book, to be out next spring, will be about Lynne Spears' raising three children and will have a religious element.

    Meanwhile lawyers for the pop singer and her ex-husband Kevin Federline were in a Los Angeles court to argue over whether the two have complied with court orders over parenting and, in Spears' case, random drug testing.