The Revenge of the Spawn of the Somewhat Amusing News Thread Strikes Back Thread

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Comments

  • edited May 2008
    ALSO, you have a ring. Are you married? Engaged? Do you like pretending to be married? Can robots even marry people?
  • edited May 2008
    The ring is actually a ruse to fool people into thinking I'm a normal huma-I MEAN YES I'm totally married.

    17 is an average, normal, human-y age to be married, right?
  • edited May 2008
    010110010110010101110011001011100010000001011001011001010111001100100000011010010111010000100000011010010111001100101110
  • edited May 2008
    Wow, you're so dirty Jake.
  • edited May 2008
    (I know this is going to sound pervy, but it's a totally neutral observation)

    You know, Mish, you look a bit like Angelina Jolie in that photo :\
  • edited May 2008
    I don't think so, but thanks! :D
  • edited May 2008
    [url=Japanese homeless woman evicted from closethttp://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/05/30/japan.closet.ap/]Japanese homeless woman evicted from closet[/url]
    TOKYO, Japan (AP) -- A homeless woman who sneaked into a man's house and lived undetected in his closet for a year was arrested in Japan after he became suspicious when food mysteriously began disappearing.

    Police found the 58-year-old woman Thursday hiding in the top compartment of the man's closet and arrested her for trespassing, police spokesman Hiroki Itakura from southern Kasuya town said Friday.

    The resident of the home installed security cameras that transmitted images to his mobile phone after becoming puzzled by food disappearing from his kitchen over the past several months.

    One of the cameras captured someone moving inside his home Thursday after he had left, and he called police believing it was a burglar. However, when they arrived they found the door locked and all windows closed.

    "We searched the house ... checking everywhere someone could possibly hide," Itakura said. "When we slid open the shelf closet, there she was, nervously curled up on her side."

    The woman told police she had no place to live and first sneaked into the man's house about a year ago when he left it unlocked.

    The closet is part of a Japanese-style room, one of several rooms in his one-story house where the man lived alone -- or so he had thought.

    Police were investigating how she managed to go in and out of the house unnoticed, as well as details of her life inside the closet, and if she had taken anything else besides food.

    She had moved a mattress into the small closet space and apparently even took showers, Itakura said, calling the woman "neat and clean."
  • edited May 2008
    Well... that's a fun story. I wonder what happens to her now?

    I think I would let her continue to stay there as a reward for being sneaky enough to go undetected for a year.
  • edited May 2008
    Good! Bloody moocher!
  • edited May 2008
    I want to try that, just see how long you can hide in some stranger’s house. Sounds Fun!! Is there a world record for that?
  • edited May 2008
    What a ninja
  • edited May 2008
    Racist.
  • edited June 2008
    Pringles Can Designer Dies, Buried In a Pringles Can
    Dr. Fredric J. Baur was so proud of having designed the container for Pringles potato crisps that he asked his family to bury him in one.

    His children honored his request. Part of his remains was buried in a Pringles can - along with a regular urn containing the rest - in his grave at Arlington Memorial Gardens in Springfield Township.

    Dr. Baur, a retired organic chemist and food storage technician who specialized in research and development and quality control for Procter & Gamble, died May 4 at Vitas Hospice. The College Hill resident was 89.

    He developed many products, including frying oils and a freeze-dried ice cream, for P&G. The ice cream was patented and marketed, but didn't catch on. "Basically, what you did, you added milk to it, put it in the freezer and you had ice cream," said his son Lawrence J. Baur of Stevensville, Mich. "That was another one he was proud of but just never went anywhere."

    Later in his career, Dr. Baur became a compliance specialist for P&G. "He had a worldwide reputation in plant sanitation and traveled all over the world inspecting plants," said his daughter, Linda L. Baur, of Diamondhead, Miss. He also lectured, edited books, and wrote several publications and articles.

    But the Pringles can - a tube-shaped container designed to hold the salty, stackable, saddle-shaped chip - was his proudest accomplishment, his daughter said. He received a patent for the package as well as the method of packaging Pringles in 1970.

    Born in Toledo on July 14, 1918, Dr. Baur received a bachelor's degree from the University of Toledo and both a master's degree and a Ph.D. in organic chemistry from Ohio State University.

    He served in the Navy as an aviation physiologist stationed in San Diego during World War II. Aviation physiologists conducted research on the medical aspects of flight.

    Dr. Baur started working for P&G in the late 1940s and retired in the early 1980s.

    He was a member of College Hill Presbyterian Church and active with the national Presbyterian Church. He was on the board of directors of the church-run Ghost Ranch in New Mexico.

    His wife, Elaine Baur, died in 2001.

    In addition to his daughter, Linda, and son Lawrence, survivors include another son, Ronald S. Baur of College Hill; and four grandchildren.

    Services have been held.
  • edited June 2008
    I buried my dead hamster in a Pringles tube once...
  • edited June 2008
    If I could remember that Mitch Hedburg joke right now I'd post it.
  • edited June 2008
    Umm... maybe I'm just an ignorant layperson.. but why is the design of a Pringles can so amazing? It's just a tube.
  • edited June 2008
    Probably has something to do with designing a material / combination of materials that would keep the chips fresh. If you just stuck chips in a cardboard tube, they'd go stale pretty fast.
  • edited June 2008
    Amoeba Boy wrote: »
    If I could remember that Mitch Hedburg joke right now I'd post it.

    http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=169072

    Also, the Pringles tube design is important for keeping the majority of the chips from breaking by maintaining a single vertical stack.
  • edited June 2008
    Liberty City Police Face Allegations Of Incompetence, Brutality
    LIBERTY CITY—With the city in the midst of a record crime wave, concerned citizens claim the Liberty City Police Department has done little to prevent the constant car chases, ongoing gun battles, and overall atmosphere of violence that pervade the area.

    "I used to feel safe in Liberty City, but lately, it's been total mayhem," said night-shift worker Lola Del Rio, who spoke to reporters while sucking nervously on a red lollipop. "In the past week alone, I've been carjacked twice, run over 10 times, and witness to a half-dozen gunfights that ended with automobiles exploding. What are the police doing to stop all this?"
    Since the surge in crime, which began on April 28 at midnight, more than 830,000 civilians have been murdered—nearly one-tenth of Liberty City's total population. In addition, 35,000 vehicles have been reported stolen, many of which were then driven illegally over sidewalks and pedestrian walkways before plunging into the nearby Humboldt River. And according to startling figures released by local community action group Citizens for a Safer City, drug trafficking has become rampant and prostitution has increased by 800 percent.

    "I was shot 14 times on my way to work today, including twice by police," said one Algonquin-area resident. "That is unacceptable."

    Many blame the LCPD directly for the increase in criminal activity, citing the department's lax procedure for arresting criminals, which involves taking 10 percent of the suspect's money, confiscating his weapons, and simply releasing him from custody later that day. Outraged citizens say this is not enough, especially in a city where assault rifles can be found on factory roofs and grenade caches are located under the globe at the old World's Fair site.

    "The police just let them go, and 20 minutes later they're shooting at the very same criminals from helicopters," veteran crime reporter Mike Whiteley said. "That is not proper law enforcement. We may be seeing a return to the bad old days of 2002, when the police, the FIB, and even Army tank battalions would leave countless bodies on the streets while attempting to capture just one man on some sort of joyful mass-destruction spree."

    Perhaps even more alarming, city records indicate that more than 75 percent of perpetrators in mass-murder or vehicular-manslaughter cases escape, usually by simple methods such as driving into a car-repainting facility. Criminals have even eluded pursuit by walking into their apartment and going to bed for six hours, after which the search has been called off.

    However, one LCPD official, who wished to remain anonymous, blamed the recent crime wave on the police department's lack of proper equipment.

    "We are only equipped to pursue a suspect within a small radius on a very basic half-centimeter radar screen," the officer said. "If we were allowed to seek criminals who escaped this radius for more than 15 seconds, our results would improve dramatically."

    "And to those who say the LCPD is too quick to resort to deadly force, remember that almost 850,000 police officers, FIB agents, and N.O.O.S.E. [National Office of Security Enforcement] team members have died in the line of duty in the past month," he added.

    Nonetheless, residents say that their confidence in the Liberty City police force—low in the best of times—has eroded almost completely.

    "I was buying a hot dog from a street vendor in Hove Beach yesterday when I saw someone run a red light, barrel down the sidewalk, careen into a garbage truck, exit his vehicle, steal a nearby convertible, and drive away," one Broker resident reported. "A nearby police car didn't even react. But when the car behind him nicked his fender, the officer shot the driver through the windshield and walked away."

    "That is not the kind of law enforcement we want for our community," he added.

    Most admit that the problem is not a lack of police presence, as the LCPD currently operates 15 different police stations throughout the city's four boroughs, and there is a seemingly infinite number of officers on duty at all times to respond to reported crimes. However, citizens say the officers' "shoot-first" mentality and willingness to accept bribes only contributes to the city's widespread violence and corruption.

    "It's almost as if the cops in this town are as much an adversarial faction as the criminals," said public defender Kiki Jenkins, who is rumored to be instrumental in recent incidents of police being inexplicably pulled from chases and criminal pursuit. "Sure, we have excellent radio stations and an incredible range of things to see and do here. But if I were younger, I'd move to Mario World in a second."
  • edited June 2008
    Which video game is that from?
  • edited June 2008
    Grand Theft Auto IV
  • edited June 2008
    Was the article from Onion News Network?
  • edited June 2008
    Brilliant article. =D
  • edited June 2008
    Love the onions. They make me cry, but in a good way.
  • edited June 2008
    Red onions are the best, then scallions. Leeks are ok too.
  • edited June 2008
    Blech, all members of the onion family are horrible.

    Now Olives, that's where it's at!
  • edited June 2008
    Hate olives. Green Peppers are awesome.
  • edited June 2008
    Peppers are evil.
  • edited June 2008
    Evil things are awesome. And therefore peppers are awesome.
  • edited June 2008
    That article was great!

    Olives are superior!