The road I live on is in the midst of being rebuilt. Today they snagged our phone line and broke it. This also took the internet down with it. I don't believe they noticed. Also, they handily had a huge mound of dirt on the road going one way from my driveway and a large digger hunkered down in the middle of the road the other way. I've been stuck at home all day and the internet was down. It ruined my work day. I'll probably have to be working this weekend to make up for it.
Back in the summer Blizzard changed server providers in China, meaning that everybody lost World of Warcraft access for two weeks (I was okay, but I know some people I work with who were not). When the server change was completed, I could not register a new account, because China Big Brother requires everyone to register with their ID numbers. I didn't have one, and my friends didn't seem interested in helping me either. So I didn't play wow for a few months.
Yesterday I got my girlfriend to use her ID number to set me up with a new account. I finally got my new account set up, and after a few hours of difficulty we finally got my old characters imported from the old account.
But my old version of the game no longer worked, since they accessed different servers and used different launchers. I now had to download a brand new version of the Chinese game. That took about a day. Then I had to patch the game up to the latest version. That took almost another day. Then I had to find an old copy of my US version stored on my external hard drive that wasn't yet modded to play on Chinese servers (since that server information is no longer valid). Though this was lucky, had I not found my backup unmodded copy I would have had to download a whole new version of the game again.
I copied that onto my regular hard drive. I spent about half a day patching and upgrading it, but oops, US Blizzard just released an update last week, and it hasn't made it to China yet. That means my US copy was a version higher than the Chinese one, so I couldn't mod it to play on Chinese servers. Damnit.
So I started all over again with my US copy and spent the entire night downloading individual patches since 3.0.1 and installing them all manually one at a time. I'm still working on it. Then I get to go through a modest 21 step process to mod my Chinese copy with US files from the installation, which includes removing certain files from the US copy, uninstalling it but backing it up on an external drive somewhere, renaming several files, manually changing the text in the realm files, and downloading and extracting a few other key files to run.
Had I known it was going to take this long, I would have just studied Chinese and played on the domestic version instead.
If I get swine flu I'm taking as many people down as I can. Granted, that's not a lot considering it has over a 99% survival rate and is less dangerous than the normal flu, BUT YOU'RE ALL GOING TO PAY.
So this week...The road has been all tore up so I've been stuck at home. My car would never make it through that dirt. Phone line got hooked taking out my internets along with the phone for most of a day, then I got the flu for a couple days. I've been here alone for much of this. Especially the flu bit. Also, it snowed and the power was out for almost 4 hours this morning. This wasn't a planned outage. No warning. Last week was annoying but this week has just been crappy.
Something got in my eye last night, and all the flushing and eye wash in the world wouldn't excise it, or at least the residual pain of it. Went to the ER, they said whatever was in there was gone and I probably just had a small scratch that was causing continuing irritation and I should try to sleep it off. Woke up this morning, pain persists, and now my eye is all puffy from the irritation.
The worst part? The ER didn't even give me an eyepatch. What a gyp.
Bummer. I had gotten rust in my eye once. It kept me up for a whole night. Went to the eye doctor the next day and they scraped it out with an odd little gizmo, but it left my eye ichy for a few days.
I had something like that happen to me once. Something during my sleep got in my eye and no matter how much I flushed the pain wouldn't go. I went to an eye doctor and she said I had a tiny scratch on my retina (I think), she put some drops on my eye that completely dilatated my pupil and I didn't feel ANYTHING. It took a month or so for my pupil to go completely back to its normal size, and I looked a bit like Mr. Burns in that one episode:
God fucking DAMNIT. My depression has turned to rage tonight! Who do I hate?
Myself.
1. Can't get a girlfriend, beause apparently I'm some sort of weirdo or else I'm just not enough of a douchebag for them to like, how do I know...I guess "confidence" is just another word for "be a complete fucking tit". After getting my 11th rejection this week, I'm fucking sick of it all. Fuck girls.
2. My grades are slipping too...fucking 50 on a math assignment, and a C overall in math, in history got a 40-something on a quiz, I feel like a fucking idiot who can't do anything right. People tell me I'm so fucking brilliant and that I could do better if I tried harder, but here's the goddamned thing: I AM trying, and FAILING. I can't take school anymore, it's all too much.
3. I have barely any friends, and have managed to keep olny two friends at a time by contnually fucking up the friendships I did have. I'm so introverted it's retarded. I do nice things for people like donate 130 fucking dollars to charity and make people sandwiches at lunch whose prents don't give a shit enough to make one, and how do I get repaid? People look at me like I don't belong in fucking anything because I can't play a sport for shit.
4. I'm wasting my life on the internet. I'm on this fucking computer probably 5 hours a day or more easily, seems like the only reason I get up anymore is to check website updates. It's ruining my eyesight and I could probably assume that pretty soon I'm going to look like hell even more than I already do. I play fucking RuneScape...jesus.
5. I can't do anything for shit. I suck at piano, I suck at RuneScape even though I play it 25 hours a day, and I suck at pretty much anything I try.
Basically, I'm overtired, I feel like a piece of shit, and just want to fucking go to sleep and never wake up.
Basically, I'm overtired, I feel like a piece of shit, and just want to fucking go to sleep and never wake up.
/vent
Man I know exactly how you feel. Everytime I get really down, that's the EXACT feeling I tell people: that I just want to sleep, and never have to wake up. Sleep is like the only comfort I have, and whenever I wake up it's like "Ugh here we go again."
Like Matt said though, chin up. I've noticed that depression kind of comes in phases: even though is sucks SO MUCH while it's around, you just have to wait until it clears up-- and then you'll have a really good year. Just wait to you get to college, lol. And you will, don't worry. College is WONDERFUL in comparison to high school. You've got that to look forward too-- also, you meet much different people in college, so who knows. You might find a girl who's actually worth talking to. Don't worry too much about it. You're young and you know it; don't give up now, before you've traveled the whole road though life
You're a cool kid. You just need a little more time to figure out the rest of the world, haha. Just keep goin on goin on.
I concur with everyone else. High schools sucks balls... it's just a really shitty phase of your life where most everyone feels trapped and unfulfilled. It will get better, I promise.
Junior year is probably the hardest year of high school. Enough people will have senioritis next year that teachers tend to ease up on the work load, so just make it through this year, you'll be fine.
Yeah, fuck high school. There are some people who will fly through high school and make you feel like shit, but don't worry. I promise you'll see at least one of them bagging your groceries or serving you food when you come home for a break or holiday from college. And if you love schadenfreude as much as I do, then it will all be totally worth it.
Until then, trust that we all have been in very similar situations that you're in now (seriously, it's very eerily familiar reading some of your stories here), and we can tell you that it'll get better. Just try to survive little by little.
Comments
Yesterday I got my girlfriend to use her ID number to set me up with a new account. I finally got my new account set up, and after a few hours of difficulty we finally got my old characters imported from the old account.
But my old version of the game no longer worked, since they accessed different servers and used different launchers. I now had to download a brand new version of the Chinese game. That took about a day. Then I had to patch the game up to the latest version. That took almost another day. Then I had to find an old copy of my US version stored on my external hard drive that wasn't yet modded to play on Chinese servers (since that server information is no longer valid). Though this was lucky, had I not found my backup unmodded copy I would have had to download a whole new version of the game again.
I copied that onto my regular hard drive. I spent about half a day patching and upgrading it, but oops, US Blizzard just released an update last week, and it hasn't made it to China yet. That means my US copy was a version higher than the Chinese one, so I couldn't mod it to play on Chinese servers. Damnit.
So I started all over again with my US copy and spent the entire night downloading individual patches since 3.0.1 and installing them all manually one at a time. I'm still working on it. Then I get to go through a modest 21 step process to mod my Chinese copy with US files from the installation, which includes removing certain files from the US copy, uninstalling it but backing it up on an external drive somewhere, renaming several files, manually changing the text in the realm files, and downloading and extracting a few other key files to run.
Had I known it was going to take this long, I would have just studied Chinese and played on the domestic version instead.
Which I guess deserves it's own post in this thread...
I feel your pain, brother. I'm supposed to have some sex today, but I don't think I'll be able to with all of this swine flu I've got.
So this week...The road has been all tore up so I've been stuck at home. My car would never make it through that dirt. Phone line got hooked taking out my internets along with the phone for most of a day, then I got the flu for a couple days. I've been here alone for much of this. Especially the flu bit. Also, it snowed and the power was out for almost 4 hours this morning. This wasn't a planned outage. No warning. Last week was annoying but this week has just been crappy.
The worst part? The ER didn't even give me an eyepatch. What a gyp.
YARR!! Truly ye be one o' them now!!
That look only works with two eyes.
Myself.
1. Can't get a girlfriend, beause apparently I'm some sort of weirdo or else I'm just not enough of a douchebag for them to like, how do I know...I guess "confidence" is just another word for "be a complete fucking tit". After getting my 11th rejection this week, I'm fucking sick of it all. Fuck girls.
2. My grades are slipping too...fucking 50 on a math assignment, and a C overall in math, in history got a 40-something on a quiz, I feel like a fucking idiot who can't do anything right. People tell me I'm so fucking brilliant and that I could do better if I tried harder, but here's the goddamned thing: I AM trying, and FAILING. I can't take school anymore, it's all too much.
3. I have barely any friends, and have managed to keep olny two friends at a time by contnually fucking up the friendships I did have. I'm so introverted it's retarded. I do nice things for people like donate 130 fucking dollars to charity and make people sandwiches at lunch whose prents don't give a shit enough to make one, and how do I get repaid? People look at me like I don't belong in fucking anything because I can't play a sport for shit.
4. I'm wasting my life on the internet. I'm on this fucking computer probably 5 hours a day or more easily, seems like the only reason I get up anymore is to check website updates. It's ruining my eyesight and I could probably assume that pretty soon I'm going to look like hell even more than I already do. I play fucking RuneScape...jesus.
5. I can't do anything for shit. I suck at piano, I suck at RuneScape even though I play it 25 hours a day, and I suck at pretty much anything I try.
Basically, I'm overtired, I feel like a piece of shit, and just want to fucking go to sleep and never wake up.
Thank you for your time.
/vent
Man I know exactly how you feel. Everytime I get really down, that's the EXACT feeling I tell people: that I just want to sleep, and never have to wake up. Sleep is like the only comfort I have, and whenever I wake up it's like "Ugh here we go again."
Like Matt said though, chin up. I've noticed that depression kind of comes in phases: even though is sucks SO MUCH while it's around, you just have to wait until it clears up-- and then you'll have a really good year. Just wait to you get to college, lol. And you will, don't worry. College is WONDERFUL in comparison to high school. You've got that to look forward too-- also, you meet much different people in college, so who knows. You might find a girl who's actually worth talking to. Don't worry too much about it. You're young and you know it; don't give up now, before you've traveled the whole road though life
You're a cool kid. You just need a little more time to figure out the rest of the world, haha. Just keep goin on goin on.
Until then, trust that we all have been in very similar situations that you're in now (seriously, it's very eerily familiar reading some of your stories here), and we can tell you that it'll get better. Just try to survive little by little.