Return of the Son of the Effed-Up News Thread Returns

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Comments

  • edited March 2006
    Well, as long as they don't sneak any legislation through that extends President's terms...
  • edited March 2006
    Man's Toddler Son Wanders Into Strip Club
    TULSA, Okla. (AP) -- A Kansas man was arrested at a Tulsa strip club after police say his toddler son wandered from an unlocked car into the club over the weekend.

    Christopher Greg Killion, 31, was arrested Saturday on a complaint of "encouraging a minor child to be in need of supervision." He posted $500 bond and was released from the Tulsa Jail.

    The toddler told police that his father told him to stay in the car, and that if he left it, "monsters would eat him," reports indicate.

    A manager at the club had called police to report that about 30 minutes after Killion entered the club, a 3- to 4-year-old boy came inside looking for his father.

    Officers determined that the boy had been left alone in a car in the strip club's parking lot. The car was unlocked and parked about 20 feet from a four-lane street. It was raining and 45 degrees outside at the time, an officer noted in the police report.

    Man arrested after asking cops to test his new crack pipe
    TAMPA -- Phillip Williams doubted whether he was being sold actual crack cocaine, police say. So he approached two uniformed Tampa officers and allegedly asked them to test his crack pipe so he could be sure.

    Turned out Williams, 47, was getting the real thing, and he was arrested shortly after approaching the officers Tuesday morning.

    Officers Wayne Easley and Gary Filippone were investigating a burglary and trying to catch loose dogs when Williams walked up, crack pipe in hand, and asked them to verify that he was getting real drugs, a report said.

    When Williams grabbed Easley's police vest, the officers put him in handcuffs, the report said. He was arrested after the residue in his pipe tested positive for crack cocaine.

    Williams is listed in jail records as a security worker at MacDill Air Force Base. He is charged with possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia. He was still in jail Wednesday with bail set at $2,500. Jail records had no attorney information.
  • edited March 2006
    Now that's good parenting. Oh wait, no it's not. What an ass.
  • godgod
    edited March 2006
    if he's asking police to test for it, then quite obviously he got the real thing
  • edited March 2006
    And that genius is charge of keeping an Air Force base secure. Maybe you can steal a helicopter as easily as depicted by GTA.
  • edited March 2006
    After I'm done with basic training, I'll be sure of it!
  • edited March 2006
    Bleach poured over lesbian lover
    A mother-of-two poured bleach over her lesbian lover because she planned to meet up with an ex-girlfriend, a court has heard.

    Juliet Wilson, 35, of Lawson Road, Enfield, North London, was sentenced three years in jail for the attack on Maxine Grizzle, 37. The attack on 26 October last year, left Miss Grizzle with 14% burns over her face and upper body. Wilson had admitted grievous bodily harm at an earlier hearing. She was angry Miss Grizzle was meeting up with her former lover.

    Face 'coming off'

    Miss Grizzle forgave Wilson after the attack and wrote to the judge asking for him to be lenient. Prosecutor Mark Kimsey told Wood Green Crown Court in north London: "Boiling bleach was poured over her. "The victim had struck up, or was continuing to speak to, an ex-partner which was causing friction." On 25 October, Wilson learned Miss Grizzle was meeting an ex-partner.

    She told a friend by phone: "If Max knows what's good for her she won't come home tonight." She also threatened to attack Miss Grizzle. When Miss Grizzle returned to their home, the pair argued before going to bed. In a statement read out to the court, Miss Grizzle said: "I went to sleep and I didn't know she had got out of bed. I was woken up by some hot thing over me." She then got up and walked to the mirror, and said it looked as if her face was "coming off". Mr Kimsey said: "She was shouting 'Help me, help me, I'm burning, I'm burning'." Wilson replied: "Help you, I wouldn't spit on you." Mr Kimsey continued: "She said: 'Give me the phone, give me the phone', and she wouldn't."

    'No recollection'

    Miss Grizzle ran outside and got help from a bus driver. Miss Marguerite Russell, for the defence, said Wilson was unable to recall the attack. She said: "She has no recollection of discussing anything with anyone before."

    Her two children were being cared for by her brother.

    His honour, Judge Bailey, read out part of the letter from Miss Grizzle: "She pleads with me to take into consideration your good nature as a mother. She considers you are extremely remorseful and that she has found it in her heart to forgive you."

    "That letter has knocked two years off the sentence."


    Man Killed in Fetish Suit

    KINKY Robert Garnett boiled to death after snorting a potentially lethal dose of cocaine and putting on a rubber suit, an inquest heard yesterday.

    His body temperature soared, causing his brain to swell as he wore a fetishist-style gimp outfit seen in the film Pulp Fiction.

    The 35-year-old McDonald's burger bar manager - a separated dad of one - was found in his bedroom after relatives had reported him missing.

    Medical experts said Mr Garnett, of Lambeth, South London. had hyperthermia leading to a build-up of brain fluid.

    Pathologist Dr Peter Jerreat told the hearing at Southwark: "The rubber clothing caused excessive overheating.

    "The toxicology reports revealed a potentially fatal level of cocaine. The contributory factor to his death was the presence of cocaine."

    Verdict: Accident.
  • edited March 2006
    Ouch on both counts...

    Also, what is 14% burning?
  • edited March 2006
    14% of the surface area burned.
  • edited March 2006
    I see.

    Much more decriptive than our "whatever degrees."
  • edited March 2006
    Degrees of burning don't refer to the amount of the body burned, they refer to how deep into the skin the burn damage extends. Considering a fourth degree burn concerns all tissue beneath the dermis (muscles, tendons, ligaments and bones), a fourteenth degree burn probably means you're reduced to a fine powder, as are two or three people next to you.
  • edited March 2006
    What about the nth degree? Mmm?
  • edited March 2006
    Bleach is totally unnecessary. They should just wrestle out their problems.
  • edited March 2006
    In pudding.
  • edited March 2006
    With bladed weapons!
  • edited March 2006
    Not only was it bleach, she took the time to heat the stuff up.
  • edited March 2006
    Which, when you think about it, is kind of weird.
  • edited March 2006
    Maybe she ran out of oil.
  • edited March 2006
    What's even stranger is that she somehow prepared enough for the heating-of to protect herself from the incredibly dangerous vapors that would be released. Like, this girl must've had a gas mask on when she was boilding the stuff, or else she'd probably have passed out and died from inhaling the fumes.
  • godgod
    edited March 2006
    maybe she's a demon! like "el grandpa diablo"!
  • edited April 2006
    Maybe the bleach wasn't boiling. Maybe it was just bleach and someone used the word boiling badly. Like maybe whoever wrote or said it wasn't thinking that bleach could be dangerous unless it was boiling and assumed burns were had because it was so hot, and maybe it wasn't.
  • edited April 2006
    Maybe that person was a fucking retard, then.


    Of course, that would definitely NOT be the first time a reporter was retarded.
  • edited April 2006
    lol, i would totally make the same mistake.
  • edited April 2006
    Google to Organize World's Courtship Information with Google Romance
    MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif., April 1, 2006 - Google Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG) today announced the launch of Google Romance™, a new product that offers users both a psychographic matchmaking service and all-expenses-paid dates for couples who agree to experience contextually relevant advertising throughout the course of their evening.

    "Our mission, as you might have heard, is to organize the world's information," said Jonathan Rosenberg, Google's senior vice president, product management. "And let's face it: in what area of life is the world's information more disorganized than romance? We thought we could use our search technology to help you find that special someone, then send you on a date and use contextual ads to help you, ya know - close the deal."

    Google Romance users who find one another via Soulmate Search™ may then select the Contextual Dating option, which offers an all-expenses-paid romantic evening in exchange for viewing contextually relevant advertising throughout the course of the users' date (learn more). "Our internal projections say Contextual Dating is going to be unbelievably huge, just a total cash cow," said Google CEO Eric Schmidt in prepared remarks placed into the notes section of an executive PowerPoint presentation and intended solely for internal use but promptly leaked onto the web and then roundly mocked on Digg and Slashdot. The product, a beta release currently residing on Google Labs, can be experimented with at www.google.com/romance/.

    heh, the "site" is actually funny itself. Take the tour!
  • edited April 2006
    This is why I stay away from all news sites on April 1st...
  • edited April 2006
    Mother Accepted $600 To Let Man Molest Son
    NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. -- A mother confronted a neighbor who alleged raped her 7-year-old son and threatened to call police, but accepted $600 to let the man molest her son again, authorities said.

    The 30-year-old unemployed mother was charged Tuesday with capital sexual battery and child abuse. The neighbor, Nicholas Quiles, 48, has been charged with capital sexual battery. Both are being held without bail.

    The sexual assaults happened the first two weeks of February, Lt. Jeffrey Harrington said.

    The boy told his 11-year-old sister that Quiles did "bad things to him," detectives said. An anonymous tip led investigators to the neighbor and mother.

    "There are definitely oddities to this case," Harrington said. "I hope we never have to investigate anything like this again."

    Free Porn Unappreciated
    (3/30/06 - KTRK/CLEVELAND, TX) - A Cleveland area mother is outraged and offended after getting more than what she paid for at a local Wal-Mart store.Shelley Bettis say she's now forced to answer questions she was not ready to answer because her children saw things they were too young to see. She bought a DVD player, but also got pornography.

    Bettis and her three children just wanted to watch Bambi II Tuesday afternoon, but before Shelley could load the DVD in the new Apex player she had just bought, something else popped up on the screen, and it was a far cry from Bambi.

    "I don't even want to tell you what I saw," said Bettis.

    Already inside the player, Shelly says, was a DVD. The label was so graphic that we can't even show it to you. The material on it is pornography.

    "I was floored," she said. "I felt my heart hit the ground that my children had to see that. I was disgusted."

    All three of her children, the youngest just eight years old, saw the first few seconds of the DVD before Shelley lunged for the player to turn it off. Thirteen-year-old Taylor watched sex acts she didn't even know about.

    "It's very gross," said Taylor. "I saw body parts I've never seen before."

    Shelley bought the $34 player at a Cleveland Wal-Mart and says the box it came in had not been tampered with.

    In a statement, Wal-Mart apologizes and says, "We are thoroughly investigating the matter at this time."

    No one at Apex, the manufacturer, returned our calls.

    In a home where the focus is on faith and morals, the wrong purchase, Bettis says, stole her children's innocence.

    "For them to see what they seen, it's not right," she said.

    Wal-Mart encourages Shelley to return the DVD player to the store for a full refund. In the meantime, Bettis is now exploring her legal options and also plans to have her daughters see a counselor.
  • edited April 2006
    Thats what you get for trying to watch Bambi II.
  • edited April 2006
    ...Why she complaining? Free porn!
  • edited April 2006
    http://www.theorangebelt.org/forums/showthread.php?t=32&page=3
    Serephel wrote:
    The lesson here is that you should never pay for porn, because someone's going to screw up and show you some eventually.

    I don't know if you're supposed to quote yourselves though...
  • edited April 2006
    Girls may face charges for Mario Question Block fun
    McCoy said even though no harm was intended by the girls, they could face criminal charges for their actions.

    “The potential is always present when dealing with a suspicious package that it could be deadly,” McCoy said. “In today’s day and age, you just cannot do this kind of stuff.”

    In addition to Ravenna police and the HAZMAT crew, assistance was received from the Portage County Sheriff’s Office, Kent Fire Chief Jim Williams, Ravenna Fire Chief Geoff Cleveland and Mark Griffiths of the Portage County Emergency Management Agency.

    McCoy said the incident will be referred to the Portage County Prosecutor’s Office for possible charges against the girls.