Return of the Son of the Effed-Up News Thread Returns

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  • edited March 2006
    (don't worry, just mash on the select button and walk into the guard, you can get buy after you've got your other party members)
  • godgod
    edited March 2006
    wait, theres a miss deaf america pagent? wow.
  • edited March 2006
    Curse you all for making me laugh about a girl getting hit by a train.


    Also: What the hell is John talking about?
  • edited March 2006
    It's as ironic as rain on your wedding day.
  • edited March 2006
    Well-said.
  • edited March 2006
    Child groom's wife pleads guilty to rape of husband
    GAINESVILLE, Georgia (AP) -- A woman who married the 15-year-old friend of one of her sons pleaded guilty Wednesday to statutory rape and was sentenced to nine months in jail.

    Lisa Lynnette Clark, 37, was also forbidden to have any contact with her teenage husband -- the alleged father of her 1-month-old son -- until at least his 17th birthday.

    After her release, Clark will be on probation until 2010.

    Clark was arrested in November on charges of statutory rape, child molestation and enticing a minor.

    A few days before her arrest, she married the boy under a 1962 Georgia law that allows children of any age to get married if the bride-to-be is pregnant. Clark gave birth to a boy on February 11.

    Clark's lawyer has said the baby is being cared for by "someone else" he would not identify.

    The wedding prompted Georgia lawmakers to revisit the state's marriage laws, and last month the House voted to bar teens under 16 from marrying without juvenile court permission. The Senate has not taken up the bill.

    The boy's grandmother, Judy Hayles, has said her grandson will seek a divorce and undergo intense counseling.

    After Clark's arrest, the boy bolted from a detention center in Georgia and was found in Cleveland. Investigators said Clark contacted him while he was gone.
  • edited March 2006
    And they say romance is dead.
  • edited March 2006
    Amoeba Boy's hometown elects lesbian prom king, society goes ape shit
    FREDERICK, Maryland (AP) -- Hood College is reviewing its homecoming rules after a lesbian was crowned king, a college official said.

    Jennifer Jones, the 21-year-old senior who beat out three men for the honor, said the crowning was a positive step for the private liberal arts college.

    "It is cool that Hood allows people to be themselves," Jones told The Frederick News-Post. "If people didn't want me to be king, they wouldn't have nominated me and voted for me."

    Jones, of Newark, Delaware, received 64 of 169 votes cast for king last month.

    More than two weeks after Jones was crowned, criticism and praise were still rippling through the 2,100-student campus in western Maryland.

    "She is not a man," said Singleton Newman, a 22-year-old senior who was nominated for queen. "It is a gender issue, and she is a woman."

    Santo Provenzano, 21, who competed for king, said Jones' selection made the event seem like a joke. "It discourages guys from wanting to take part in the future," he said.

    Donald Miller, Hood's student activities director, said all homecoming events will be reviewed and possibly changed. "We will look at what students want Hood's homecoming to be," he said.

    It was only the second annual homecoming for the school. Men started attending Hood in 1971 but the school didn't become fully coeducational until 2003 when men were permitted to live on campus for the first time.

    Jones tried to run for homecoming prince last year, but a student committee wouldn't let her on the ballot even though she had gathered the required number of signatures on nominating petitions.

    Miller said a rule change this year abolished the petitions and required that candidates be nominated by student ballots.
  • edited March 2006
    "She is not a man. It is a gender issue, and she is a woman."

    Brilliant deductions from a woman with a silly name.

    And honestly, men of Amoebaboyville, stop whining and get an guy in tight pants elected queen. Duh.
  • edited March 2006
    See, this is what happens when too many people run on the same general platform... someone (or more than one!) splits the vote enough to let Bill Clinton and a lesbian win an other wise clenched election.

    Ross Perot, I blame you for all of this.
  • edited March 2006
    Who really cares about homecoming royalty anyway?

    People don't even care about actual royalty.
  • edited March 2006
    Unless they're in tabloids, because those make everything cool. My favorite story is still the one about Sasquatch entering a NASCAR race. And I didn't think it was scientifically possible to make NASCAR cool.
  • edited March 2006
    Maybe science can't do it, but with SCIENCE! not even the sky is the limit.
  • edited March 2006
    While browsing over various news sites I found this

    -> http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11611015/?GT1=7850 <-

    I’m German and even I know the first amendment.
  • godgod
    edited March 2006
    i can name all the simpsons, including homers parents and marges sisters, AND 2 or 3 of rights of the first ammendment. im above average.
  • edited March 2006
    The first amendment's easy, the catch is getting some of those higher numbered ones.

    Does anyone know what the 15th amendment of the constitution is without looking it up? I sure don't!
  • edited March 2006
    Maybe it's the right to not give a shit about the constitution.
  • edited March 2006
    Or maybe the right to shit on the constitution.
  • godgod
    edited March 2006
    well, its not womens rights, prohabition, or the right to bear arms...
  • edited March 2006
    Actually, I think it's abolition of slavery. I'm not sure, though.

    Hey, at least I know that abolition and the right to vote (for all citizens) are separate amendments!


    Edit: Ooooh, so close! It was the revision of the earlier amendment to ensure voting rights! So close, so close...
  • edited March 2006
    I'm in U.S. History, so I've got the advantage here.

    13th- Abolishment of Slavery
    14th- Civil Rights Amendment
    15th- All citizens may vote (actually just men at the time, though)
  • edited March 2006
    I think what makes me saddest is that one in five thought owning a pet was protected under the first amendment.

    I mean, that's why our forefathers left England, right? Because the royal family was being bitchy and not letting them own pets! So we revolted so we could have our own cute kittens! How could four out of five people not know that?
  • edited March 2006
    Hehehe... pathetic Americans. God, I love saying that.
  • edited March 2006
    Eh, I'd watch out. There are plenty more of them than there are of you.
  • edited March 2006
    He's just mad at America because most of us don't get how it's sexy to eat some fat girl's defecation.
  • edited March 2006
    I wish arcades would come back. Fighting games like samurai shodown and street fighter where always my favorite part of my young life. Just going down to the local egg roll king and playing all day long. Actually, I may save up some money to open an arcade up. Ill whore it around town with tournaments and maybe make it a game store too, that way it doesn’t just droop over and die.
  • godgod
    edited March 2006
    ive always wanted to own either an arcade, or a comic book shop.
  • edited March 2006
    Why not combine the two? Just add in some roleplaying merchandise and you'd have created the most heavily concentrated bastion of nerddom the world has ever seen!

    Also, if you do stock RPG merchandise, you should sell fuzzy 10-sided dice for handing on the rearview mirror. That would kick ass.
  • edited March 2006
    Why the hell is Germany making fun of the US? Isn't Germany just the perverted step sister of the US, in the first place? You know, the one that let loose her anal virginity way too early in her series of relationships?
  • edited March 2006
    Because with the things the US has been doing lately, it's hard not to make fun of them.