Return of the Son of the Effed-Up News Thread Returns

Professor MacJakeProfessor MacJake
edited November 2012 in General
You know the drill: post some fucked up news and comment!

Dominatrix Acquitted in Bondage Death
DEDHAM, Mass. - A dominatrix was acquitted of manslaughter Monday in the death of a man who prosecutors say suffered a heart attack while strapped to a replica of a medieval rack.

Barbara Asher, a 56-year-old woman who called herself Mistress Lauren M, was also cleared of dismemberment.

Prosecutors said that 53-year-old Michael Lord suffered a heart attack in 2000 during a bondage session in a "dungeon" in Asher's condominium and that Asher did nothing to help him for five minutes for fear authorities would find out about her business.

Asher had her boyfriend chop up the body of the 275-pound retired telephone company worker, and they dumped it behind a restaurant in Maine, prosecutors said. His remains have never been found.

Prosecutors said Asher confessed to police, but the alleged confession was not taped, and investigators testified they did not save their notes.

Asher's lawyer, Stephanie Page, said there was nothing to prove Lord was even dead — no body, no blood, no DNA.

During his closing argument to the jury, prosecutor Robert Nelson put on a black leather mask with a zippered mouth opening and re-enacted the bondage session. With both hands, he reached back and clutched the top of a blackboard as if strapped to the rack. Then he hung his head as if dead.

Asher's lawyer objected, and the judge agreed.

"That's enough Mr. Nelson," Judge Charles Grabau said. "Thank you for your demonstration."
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Comments

  • deku12345deku12345
    edited January 2006
    Imagine if someone had just walked into that scene while he was in the middle of his re-enactment.
  • CytrollCytroll
    edited January 2006
    I'd just hate to be the prosecuting lawyer when they handed him the case.

    "OK so here's the details on the murder trial where that guy possibly died."
    "Possibly died? Hang on where's the death certificate and the evidence."
    "Don't have any, so what do you reckon, can we win this one?"
    "I'm not sur..."
    "Just it's pretty important so don't mess up."
    "Errr...I'll think of something..."
  • HeatherHeather
    edited January 2006
    You know what is the most messed up about that story?
    and they dumped it behind a restaurant in Maine, prosecutors said. His remains have never been found.

    I give you one guess what happened to the body.
  • ApathyApathy
    edited January 2006
    That's some pretty impressive police incompetence right there.
  • X'o'LoreX'o'Lore
    edited January 2006
    There are no limits to police incompetence. It's hard to find a good cop when you need one.
  • Doom ShroomDoom Shroom
    edited January 2006
    apparently, it's also hard to find a good dominatrix when you need one.
  • CarnivoreCarnivore
    edited January 2006
    Or, at the very least, one that won't turn you into kibble for Maine's hobos. Assuming they have hobos in Maine.
  • Doom ShroomDoom Shroom
    edited January 2006
    maybe Maine's hobos are the lobsters that have escaped the restaurants.
  • X'o'LoreX'o'Lore
    edited January 2006
    Doom Shroom wrote:
    apparently, it's also hard to find a good dominatrix when you need one.

    That's just silly. Whoever heard of a good dominatrix? Wouldn't that defeat their purpose?
  • HamelinHamelin
    edited January 2006
    I happened to look over at a newspaper that was open next to me in the computer lab and saw this very article in USA Today. How coincidental.
  • mariomario
    edited January 2006
    In another coincidence, I just saw the episode "Prisoner of Love" from Law & Order that deals with a strikingly similar case. Freaky.
  • SerephelSerephel
    edited January 2006
    Anyone ever see that CSI with the dominatrix? That's what I first thought of when I read about this case.
  • Doom ShroomDoom Shroom
    edited February 2006
    Serephel wrote:
    Anyone ever see that CSI with the dominatrix? That's what I first thought of when I read about this case.

    speaking of CSI and real crimes...

    http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/01/30/csi.effect.ap/index.html
  • ApathyApathy
    edited February 2006
    World of Warcraft: Don't tell anyone you're queer
  • WafflesWaffles
    edited February 2006
    Well that's crap but blizzard is just one gaming company. ECOSOC of the UN on the other hand, http://www.ilga.org/news_results.asp?LanguageID=1&FileID=741&FileCategory=1&ZoneID=6
  • HamelinHamelin
    edited February 2006
    Vote to summarily dismiss the applications of ILGA and LBL was as follows:
    Yes: Cameroon, China, Cuba, Iran, Pakistan, Russian Federation, Senegal, Sudan, United States of America, Zimbabwe. No: Chile, France, Germany, Peru, Romania; Abstention: Colombia, India, Turkey. Not present: Ivory Coast.
    Partly this was a political move, but still, jerks.
  • SerephelSerephel
    edited February 2006
    In response to Doomshroom's article about CSI...

    You know, I think I said once or twice when watching CSI that if I watch it enough, I'd become smart enough to not get caught. Apparently more serious people took that to heart.
  • mittensmittens
    edited February 2006
    I'm fairly sure that the blizzard censoring has more to do with "lolz how gay" than "I love the cock."

    EDIT: Not to say that taking offense at being called "gay" doesn't presume that being gay is somehow inferior, which is significantly more irritating.
  • BehemothBehemoth
    edited February 2006
    http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/02/02/cartoons.wrap/index.html
    In Paris, the daily newspaper France Soir fired its managing editor after it republished the caricatures Wednesday, and in Pakistan protesters marched chanting "Death to Denmark" and "Death to France."

    "The cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad are an attack on our spiritual values. There should be a limit to press freedom," the state Anatolian news agency quoted Erdogan as telling French Foreign Minister Philippe Douste-Blazy during talks in Ankara.

    Palestinian officials said the gunmen were threatening to kidnap European workers if the European Union did not apologize.

    The culture editor of Jyllands-Posten, Fleming Rose, apologized for the publication of the cartoons, saying the newspaper did not mean to offend Muslims and said the cartoons had to be understood in context.

    On Wednesday, Iraqis urged their government to cut diplomatic ties with Denmark and Norway because of the publication of the cartoons.

    Usually I'm all for the idea of not offending people if you can avoid it, but this is over-reacting to about the billionth degree. I don't think it's the responsibility of the government to obsturct people's freedom of speach just towards comments about one group over another. And It is ridiculous for people to want that. People are permitted to depict Jesus in any way they want, and Christians don't demand too much blood. Maybe Christians just aren't as organized. But I think Middle-Eastern Muslims are too damn sensitive sometimes. They're trying to blame an entire nation for the actions of a few individuals.
  • CarnivoreCarnivore
    edited February 2006
    I remember thinking that things were going to get better when I was a kid. Now if we can't trust the French, Blizzard, Dominatrixes or the U.N. To whom can we turn?
  • SerephelSerephel
    edited February 2006
    My interpretation of God is much better than your interpretation of god.
  • SerephelSerephel
    edited February 2006
    Blarg, double post, but it's a new news post, so I dunno.

    Message in bottle gets reply: don't litter

    It may not be fucked up, but it's a nice break from reading headlines about Europe's troubles for printing that comic...
  • ApathyApathy
    edited February 2006
    Hahahaha. Burn.
  • Professor MacJakeProfessor MacJake
    edited February 2006
    Russia 'running low' on Vodka
    MOSCOW, Russia (Reuters) -- Russians could suffer a shortage of their national tipple next week because a bureaucratic mix-up has brought every vodka distillery in the country to a halt, producers say.

    Distillers have been waiting since January 1 for tax authorities to send them new excise stamps -- the anti-counterfeit stickers that by law must be attached to every bottle of vodka.

    "We are selling vodka left over from last year but those stocks are getting smaller all the time," said Vera Bragina, a spokeswoman for Russia's Smirnov Trading House.

    "The situation is pretty much under control but if in the next week or so (we do not receive the stamps) then there will be problems," she added. "There is a threat (to supplies)."

    Each Russian consumes 14 liters of alcohol a year -- most of it in the form of neat vodka, consumed in the traditional style by draining the glass in one gulp.

    It is illegal to produce or sell vodka without an excise stamp that corresponds to the year in which it was produced.

    New excise rules that came into force on January 1 led to confusion among officials about the procedure for issuing distillers with new stamps.

    Because of that, no new stamps left the Federal Tax Service's warehouses until January 31 -- a month late. But by Friday some vodka producers had still not received them.

    "We ... do not have the new excise stamps at the factory," said Bragina. "There is talk that maybe by Monday they will get the stamps but we have heard that before."

    There have been no vodka shortages in shops because producers have used their reserves to keep them supplied.

    Russian Alcohol Group, which has about 5 percent of the Russian spirits market, said one of its two factories had taken delivery of the excise stamps.

    But the other, the Topaz plant near Moscow, had not received the stamps, said group spokeswoman Zhanna Oleinik. "At Topaz we have almost nothing left in terms of spirits. On Wednesday we expect to run out. The warehouse will be empty," she said.

    Russia's state-owned vodka conglomerate Rosspirtprom said some -- though not all -- of the more than 100 factories under its control had received the excise stamps.

    "We hope that by the start of next week the situation will be back to normal," said spokesman Dmitry Dobrov.

    Alcohol has been a central part of Russian culture for centuries. Legend has it that 11th century Russian ruler Vladimir said: "Russia's mirth is drinking. We cannot live without it."

    When former Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev introduced strict limits on vodka sales in the 1980s to combat rampant alcoholism, some people turned to drinking eau de cologne.

    Smirnov vodka has no connection to the Smirnoff brand owned by drinks giant Diageo.
  • KhanFusionKhanFusion
    edited February 2006
    "Each Russian consumes 14 liters of alcohol a year"

    Um... I consume... lets see... time to do some math...

    750 ml bottle of whiskey, finished off every week... 52 weeks in a year... carry the HOLY SHIT I DRINK WAY MORE ALCOHOL THAN A RUSSIAN.

    Good God.

    15 liters < 39 liters

    Oh my god, I'm going to go kill myself now.
  • Drooling IguanaDrooling Iguana
    edited February 2006
    White House appointees censoring NASA scientists. (NYTimes free registration required, or go to bugmenot.com for a temp login.)
  • ApathyApathy
    edited February 2006
    KhanFusion wrote:
    Oh my god, I'm going to go kill myself now.

    Will you be drowning yourself by any chance?

    I really don't know how to respond to DI's article though. That is really and truly fucked up.
  • brucebruce
    edited February 2006
    http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/tribe-kills-fishermen/2006/02/08/1139379571616.html

    "Stone Age Tribe" kills a couple of fisher men.
  • hlavcohlavco
    edited February 2006
    The Indian coast guard tried to recover the bodies using a helicopter but was met by a hail of arrows.
    It's just like an episode of Johnny Quest!
  • Doom ShroomDoom Shroom
    edited February 2006
    hlavco wrote:
    It's just like an episode of Johnny Quest!

    Yeah, all we need is for Race to throw a barrel and we're good to go!

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