Return of the Son of the Effed-Up News Thread Returns

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Comments

  • edited May 2006
    Putting shaving cream in hair = slipping rat poison into milk
  • edited May 2006
    It's called one-upsmanship. You can't settle for getting even, you always have to top the last thing. They just skipped ahead a few steps and went where it ultimately would have ended up in a few years anyway.
  • godgod
    edited May 2006
  • edited May 2006
    the only thing I can say goes along the lines of "wow, good job, jackass"
  • edited May 2006
    "He got his wife out of the house, then tried to extinguish the flames with a hose."
    With a hose? yeah, let's throw water on a GAS fire. Yeah, he's a jackass.
  • edited May 2006
    Bears eat monkey, visitors shocked
    AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) -- Bears killed and devoured a monkey in front of horrified visitors at a Dutch zoo, officials and witnesses said.

    Visitors reported that the grisly scene began as several bears chased the monkey, a macaque, onto a wooden structure at Beekse Bergen Safari Park.

    They said a bear tried unsuccessfully to shake the monkey loose, ignoring attempts by keepers to distract it. The bear then climbed up and grabbed the monkey, mauling it to death and bringing it to its concrete den, where three bears ate it.

    The park confirmed the killing. "The habitats here in the safari park are arranged in such a way that one animal almost never kills another, but they are and remain wild animals," it said in a statement.

    The attack occurred in an area of the zoo that contains both monkeys and sloth bears, a type of black bear found in the Asian subcontinent.

    The park said it plans now to move the macaques to another part of the park.
  • edited May 2006
    Well, they have to move the monkeys now, the bears have aquired a taste for them, they will hunger for more.
  • edited May 2006
    And from the monkeys they will develope a taste for human flesh!
  • godgod
    edited May 2006
    its just like Steven Colbert said, bears are the number one threat to america.
    and, apperantly the netherlands.
  • edited May 2006
    To even the odds they'll just have to give the monkeys large-caliber rifles.

    It's only fair.
  • edited May 2006
    Just place a big black monolith in the monkey area, and the problem will fix itself.... and then create new ones.
  • godgod
    edited May 2006
    http://www.optonline.net/Article/Feeds?CID=channel%3D32%26article%3D18440525
    all i can think of to say is... damn, lithuanians must have really a high alcohol tolerence
  • edited May 2006
    Is that really fucked up news, god?

    You're slipping, old man.
  • edited May 2006
    I dunno. That's an impressive level of self pickling right there.
  • edited May 2006
    Musta been a comfy coffin.
  • edited May 2006
    I wanna give that lithuanian guy a big ol' hug!
  • edited May 2006
    Sex offender too short for prison
    LINCOLN, Nebraska (AP) -- A judge's decision to sentence a 5-foot-1 man to probation instead of prison for sexually assaulting a child has angered crime victim advocates who say the punishment sends the wrong message.

    But supporters of short people say it's about time someone recognizes the unique challenges they face.

    Cheyenne County District Judge Kristine Cecava issued the sentence Tuesday. She told Richard W. Thompson that his crimes deserved a long prison sentence but that he was too small to survive in a state prison.

    Though he could have been sentenced to 10 years behind bars, he ended up with 10 years of probation instead. On Thursday, the state's attorney general, Jon Bruning, promised to appeal within two weeks, calling the sentence far too lenient.

    "I'm concerned about the message this sends to victims and perpetrators," said Marla Sohl with the Nebraska Domestic Violence Sexual Assault Coalition, adding that it shows more concern is being placed on the criminal and his safety in prison than the victim.

    But Joe Mangano, secretary of the National Organization of Short Statured Adults, agreed with the judge's assessment that Thompson would face dangers while in prison because of his height.

    "I'm assuming a short inmate would have a much more difficult time than a large inmate," said Mangano, who is 5 feet 4 inches tall. "It's good to see somebody looking out for someone who is a short person."

    Thompson, 50, had sexual contact over a couple of months last year with a 12-year-old girl, said Sidney Police Chief Larry Cox. He was sentenced on two felony sexual assault charges.

    As part of the probation, he will be electronically monitored for the first four months and was told never to be alone with someone under age 18 or date or live with a woman whose children were under 18. He was also ordered to get rid of his pornography.

    Thompson's attorney, Donald Miller, had no comment on the ruling. Cheyenne County Attorney Paul Schaub, who prosecuted the case, did not return a call seeking comment. Cecava did not return a message seeking comment.

    The judge's reasoning confounded Amy Miller, legal director for the Nebraska chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union.

    "I have never heard of anything like this before," she said.

    No one has ever come to the ACLU to complain of height discrimination, she said. And using Thompson's height as a reason to avoid sending him to prison is surprising, because neither the U.S. nor state constitution provides protections based on physical stature, she said.

    A spokesman for the prison system said Thompson's height would not put him at risk among the state's 4,400 inmates. There are protections available in prison to help inmates who feel threatened, prison spokesman Steve King said, but to his knowledge, no one has ever taken advantage of them based on fears related to their height.

    "He's not the shortest guy we have in prison," King said. "We've got some short guys that are as tough as nails. We've got people from all ages, physical stature of all sizes, in general population."

    State Sen. Ernie Chambers, a longtime critic of judges, said he was baffled by the sentence.

    "If shortness is an excuse and protection from going to prison, short people ought to rob banks and do everything else they would wind up going to prison for," Chambers said. "We're talking here about a crime committed against a child, and shortness is not a defense."
  • edited May 2006
    "You must be this tall to go on this ride"
  • godgod
    edited May 2006
    hear that melted jhonnycake? you cant go to prison.
  • edited May 2006
    Yeah, he wouldn't be able to prevent himself from getting raped in prison. Him getting raped by a big guy would be kind of like if he raped a 12 year old girl. Good work Judge.
  • edited May 2006
    Now, if it were any other 5' 1" man, I'd say put him in a juvenile detention centre, however in this case, considering what he was put away for, it wouldn't really be the best idea...
  • edited May 2006
    "National Organization of Short Statured Adults". I want to go to one of their offices and just laugh at everybody.
  • edited May 2006
    Like Godzilla in Tokyo...
  • godgod
    edited May 2006
    i gotta go in there with a crane and find one with suspenders and pick him up by his suspenders and see how far i can throw him.
  • edited May 2006
    Baby left in car dies; parents were playing pachinko
    NAGOYA (Kyodo) Police arrested a couple Monday in Toyoake, Aichi Prefecture, on suspicion of causing the death of their 2-month-old son by leaving him inside their car on a hot afternoon while they played pachinko.

    The parents, being held on suspicion of parental negligence resulting in death, have admitted to the allegations, according to police.

    Rio Takeuchi died in a hospital of heat stroke and dehydration after being left in a car in the parking lot of a pachinko parlor from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. Sunday while his father, Masato, 24, and mother, Rie, 23, played inside, police said. The hospital alerted police.

    The mother reportedly told police she found the baby was unconscious when she returned to the car. It had been parked in an open area with no shade and the windows were closed. The temperature reached 25 in the area that day.

    Initially, she told officers she had been shopping at a mall in Kariya, not playing at the pachinko parlor.

    Security guards at the parlor, which bars children, had been patrolling the parking lot but did not see the baby.
  • godgod
    edited May 2006
    in the parent's defence, pachinko is a fun game.
  • edited May 2006
    Sadly, this is not an isolated event here. And this is not helping the declining population problem either...
  • edited May 2006
    The temperature reached 25 in the area that day.

    That baby wasn't overheated, he was frozen!

    (Yes, I do know the difference between Fahrenheit and Celsius)
  • edited May 2006
    HAY MAIRO, U DONT NOW TEH DIFFERENSE BTWN F AND C????