M'kay, this is going to take a while to explain some things.
Well, I never got my answer back from her friend wether or not she's interested in me, so that's down the drain. I know I've technically been turned down by her, but I'm not one to quit.
I'll give you a break-down of the week.
First day- We arrived at the middle school, all packed and ready to go. I saw her and her friends there, but I chickened out and decided to wait until we got there to say hello. When we did get there, I ran into her, but she must have not reconized me, 'cause she didn't say hello. I chanced waiting another day.
Second day- Said hi, and she remembered me (thank God). I reunited with her buddies too, we're pretty close. We played BS, and I owned them all, because no one BS'd me except for Ellie, and I played the right card >=).
Third Day- Can't remember what happened....oh yeah, carnival night. Everyone gets to play games at camp and gets to buy some ice cream if they happen to have an extra $3.75. God, that was good ice cream. Anywho, I had a talk with her friend Erin, and I said " I don't think I have a chance with Ellie". She said, "Well, there's always a chance...". I keep saying a didn't, and Erin finally nodded and hugged me to comfort me.
Fourth Day- Hopelessness. To the max. But not really. It was weird, I kept going between utter sadness and obsessive determination. I was thinking hey, I can still try, I love this woman! one minute, and just try to erase your love for her the next. It was odd. I avoided her, as well, and moped around a bit. I didn't get angry though. I never get angry.
Fith Day- Skit Night. Read above. Except, when I was watching other people do their skits, it hit me. Ellie had been trying to shake me off for the past year. Last year at the camp dance, she was reluctant to dance with me, and I couldn't tell why. I asked Erin in the school year for her e-mail adress, and she said she didn't know it. Months later, she casually slipped me the e-mail on a sheet of paper. I found out that Ellie was in my Ski Club night, yet from a different school. I asked Erin if she could show me where Ellie was. Erin said she had no clue where she was. Yet on AIM, Ellie mentioned that she had hung out with Erin every single ski night! During this summer, she hasn't been on AIM. I think she changed it to avoid me. All of this hit me with the emotional force of a train, and I wanted to cry, but didn't, because I was in a laughing crowd of people.
Sixth Day- Dance Night. The climax of the week. I had no intentions of asking Ellie to the dance, and I ended up not dancing. I tried to forget about her, but couldn't. I practiced my patented "Rodeo Flip" Dance move with my friends Jim and Conner. I ended up going to the dance looking like a pig, with grass all over my back, and mud on my jeans. Lots of people offered me a new shirt, but I just kind of shrugged, it wasn't going to change my chances with Ellie. Well, then I saw her. My God, most beautiful I've ever seen her. She sneaked a "hi" in, and the "Before the Dance Meeting" began. She was the Vice President of something, though I can't remember of what. She sat in front, and I tried not to look, but yeah right. I saw that the guy that was sitting next to her was making a move on her! When she sat down from speaking, she rustled his hair...I was crushed. Finally, it was dance time. I asked Ellie's friend Elise if she was in love with the guy from earlier. She said no, and that she didn't even know the guy. When we got to dancing, he wasn't anywhere to be found. As loud as I could think without actually saying it, I thought OWNED! The first slow song came. She found some tall redneck guy, and danced with him. It didn't bother me much. Anyways, the last song, I asked her to dance, and so we did. Kind of funny, really. It was like a fairy tale...I with my muddy jeans and grass-torn T-shirt, dancing with the most beautiful woman on the floor. It was great. She noticed I got taller (score!), and we talked about possibly becoming counslers at the camp.
I dunno where we're at or where we're going. Here's some evidence...and you tell me if I've got a shot.
Evidence against me:
-She said in an e-mail that I wasn't really her type.
-CROSSED OFF'D!
-She may have set up Erin to get rid of me.
Evidence for me:
-She keeps dancing with me
-We're friends
-She never said that I was too young, or ugly
-Once on the phone, I asked her what she was doing, and she kind of acted like she thought I was asking her to go somewhere
Well, in my humble opinion, this is the point for you to cut your losses and start enshrining this ordeal in your memory for future retrospection. It seems, especially from your list, that she is only being nice, humoring you with the dances and stuff. Plus, the evidence against you is WAY stronger than the evidence for you.
I've also found, and in this some may disagree with me, that the whole "determination despite everything that has happened" generally doesn't work when it comes to trying to get someone to like you, it just repels them to a greater degree. You've fought a good fight but, in my opinion, it's time to call it quits.
You need to realize that she's very young and as such she has no idea how relationships normally work. Also, she has no idea what you're thinking. I'm sure she's in just as much mental turmoil as you are. Don't think for a SECOND that she knows what's going on. That is your advantage. Hit her weak spot for maximum damage.
Well, another thing you could consider is just telling her how you feel.
I know that there's a chance that that could spoil the friendship that you have, but it's going to be something you're going to have to weigh. Are you really happy with just having a friendship with her? Can you just have a friendship with her, or will you always be sucked into a state of mental turmoil whenever you think of her? If you tell her, at least you wouldn't be so uncertain anymore.
Listen, little dude. I know how you feel. That kind of shit has happened to me a lot. The best thing to do is not stress over it. In fact, the best way to find out whether or not she likes you is to act like you aren't interested, but continue being her friend. Continuing this long enough will either a.) make you two really good friends, making some kind of brother sister relationship, although this can either increase or decrease your possibilty of going with her, atleast you'd be even closer to her, and the longer you do it may increase your chances (and, believe me, even though this would make a great friendship, it would usually take a VERY long time to make it work), or b.) get her to to ask you out if she feels she's close enough to you, and sees this new side she's attracted to. That's another thing, finding out the kind of guy she likes, and playing into that personality. It's rather nifty, even though everyone says to be yourself. Usually, that's not the case. Your best bet is to become what she likes, act confident, but not cocky.
If you really can't wait, then you could do something incredibly magnificent for her, and ask her out after that. Usually, this is just a 50/50 chance, especially if you are unsure. But, remember, you're still kids. I say give it time. Any guy really can get any girl, as long as you know exactly what to do. Now, if only I could get this one, single, cute, incredibly similar to myself personality wise, and extremely complicated girl. That would make me a happy Scott.
Hm, I dunno about that Scott. From what I've seen and what I've experienced personally, when you're in the friend zone, you're stuck in the friend zone. You settle down and unpack all your things, because you are not going anywhere.
The upfront approach is a gamble. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Especially at your age, both guys and girls can be completely naive about these things. Who knows, maybe she's been oblivious.
One thing I've learned is that it's way, way better to have tried. If you don't do anything, then you will spend the rest of your time wondering about it. Maybe I had a chance? If you try and you fail, then hey, at least you know for sure. It sucks, but knowing is still better in my opinion. And hey, you could try and win. Then you'll be really freaking happy for a long, long time for trying.
But in the end, you need to make your own decision. You've seen some different opinions here, but none of us fully know the situation. Think long and hard about what you want and what you're willing to risk. I've been in situations where it was and was not worth the risk.
If things go right, then we'll all be happy for you and congratulate you. If not, then you can walk away with it as a learning experience, making you better suited when you get older.
EDIT: I just figured it out! I was watching TV and I figured it out! Buy TAG body spray! This one guy used it, and these three hot girls started sexily consuming whipped cream, chocolate, and other goodies! It's bulletproof!
Before you know it, she'll be dating the ex-boyfriend you and everyone else hates (including her, most of the time), and accidentally having his kid. Meanwhile, you gave her a motherfucking car.
Before you know it, she'll be dating the ex-boyfriend you and everyone else hates (including her, most of the time), and accidentally having his kid. Meanwhile, you gave her a motherfucking car.
ETA: I'd like to back Serephel up on his last post with a concept from the enjoyable psychology (not self-help) book Stumbling On Happiness. In general, we tend to regret things that we *didn't* do more than we regret things that we did do.
ETA Again: But that citation is not intended to supercede my take on this Ellie matter from last year or whenever this thread started. I don't think making another attempt at a relationship with her is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I've been in Ellie's situation before (as long as we're assuming she's NOT oblivious to the whole thing), and I've always found it best for me to just ACT like I don't realize one of my friends likes me. I can still be friends with the guy (who I generally enjoy being with, just without any interest of dating), but I avoid flirting (and I admit, I flirt way too much) or giving any suggestive hints. Then I hope that the guy will eventually just give up. I know, that sounds really cruel and horrible and bitchy and all that... but I guess I'm just too coward to confront him about it. I know it would make him feel horrible if I went out of my way to tell him to stop trying, and things would most likely end up really akward and he would feel like I never wanted to be around him. Not only would I be responsible for making someone feel like shit, but I would most likely lose a friend I never wanted to lose.
Who knows, maybe Ellie's a much nicer person than I am and can handle situations better than I can; maybe she really IS oblivious to the whole thing, and you really do have a chance with her. Every single person is different, and no one here is gonna know her personality as well as you do.. perhaps you just gotta get to know her better.
And hey Fille! I don't know if that entire comment was sarcastic or not, but not EVERY young girl is clueless to how to go about relationships! A lot, yes... but not all!
No no, you all are. Like I said, even if you think you know, you don't. Your exposition that you pretend like you don't know a guy is interested in you proves just how little you know about human interactions!
OK. I've finally had enough to drink that I can just say it flat. I don't think you really "love" this girl. You didn't even know what club she was head of. You only lust after her because you think she's hot. She danced with, woopee. She lso danced with a goofy redneck. If you wanna know whether or not she likes YOU, stop talking to her friends and start talking to HER. Don't just talk to her to try and sneak info either. Actually take an interest in who she is and in what she has an interest. Get to know her, THEN...IF you find that you can "be youself", that is, continue to persue your own interests while pretending to be interested in her crap, THEN you kight have a chance. If you truly have to change everything about to to get with this girl, she obviously isn't the one for you. No matter how hot she is, you will get sick of her within a month if you can'tr be yourself around her.
If you honestly believe having her will truly make you happy, just act gay for a few months, it's done woners for Serephel and Illithid.
I now realize that advice should never be given sober. Listen to what Behemoth just said Ignore everything I said in this thread. Except for that. And that. And that...
If I could be with ANY woman on the entire planet that I know of, it would be her. I've talked to her on AIM, and I've gotten to know her a bit. I've known her for 3 years. I think if it was a crush, I'd be over her by now.
Instead of self-mutilation, try writing love poetry. It's twice as painful, you get to share the crushing horror with someone else, and it leaves emotional scars instead of disfigurement.
Besides, chicks dig sexy scars, not Johnny peg-leg.
Comments
M'kay, this is going to take a while to explain some things.
Well, I never got my answer back from her friend wether or not she's interested in me, so that's down the drain. I know I've technically been turned down by her, but I'm not one to quit.
I'll give you a break-down of the week.
First day- We arrived at the middle school, all packed and ready to go. I saw her and her friends there, but I chickened out and decided to wait until we got there to say hello. When we did get there, I ran into her, but she must have not reconized me, 'cause she didn't say hello. I chanced waiting another day.
Second day- Said hi, and she remembered me (thank God). I reunited with her buddies too, we're pretty close. We played BS, and I owned them all, because no one BS'd me except for Ellie, and I played the right card >=).
Third Day- Can't remember what happened....oh yeah, carnival night. Everyone gets to play games at camp and gets to buy some ice cream if they happen to have an extra $3.75. God, that was good ice cream. Anywho, I had a talk with her friend Erin, and I said " I don't think I have a chance with Ellie". She said, "Well, there's always a chance...". I keep saying a didn't, and Erin finally nodded and hugged me to comfort me.
Fourth Day- Hopelessness. To the max. But not really. It was weird, I kept going between utter sadness and obsessive determination. I was thinking hey, I can still try, I love this woman! one minute, and just try to erase your love for her the next. It was odd. I avoided her, as well, and moped around a bit. I didn't get angry though. I never get angry.
Fith Day- Skit Night. Read above. Except, when I was watching other people do their skits, it hit me. Ellie had been trying to shake me off for the past year. Last year at the camp dance, she was reluctant to dance with me, and I couldn't tell why. I asked Erin in the school year for her e-mail adress, and she said she didn't know it. Months later, she casually slipped me the e-mail on a sheet of paper. I found out that Ellie was in my Ski Club night, yet from a different school. I asked Erin if she could show me where Ellie was. Erin said she had no clue where she was. Yet on AIM, Ellie mentioned that she had hung out with Erin every single ski night! During this summer, she hasn't been on AIM. I think she changed it to avoid me. All of this hit me with the emotional force of a train, and I wanted to cry, but didn't, because I was in a laughing crowd of people.
Sixth Day- Dance Night. The climax of the week. I had no intentions of asking Ellie to the dance, and I ended up not dancing. I tried to forget about her, but couldn't. I practiced my patented "Rodeo Flip" Dance move with my friends Jim and Conner. I ended up going to the dance looking like a pig, with grass all over my back, and mud on my jeans. Lots of people offered me a new shirt, but I just kind of shrugged, it wasn't going to change my chances with Ellie. Well, then I saw her. My God, most beautiful I've ever seen her. She sneaked a "hi" in, and the "Before the Dance Meeting" began. She was the Vice President of something, though I can't remember of what. She sat in front, and I tried not to look, but yeah right. I saw that the guy that was sitting next to her was making a move on her! When she sat down from speaking, she rustled his hair...I was crushed. Finally, it was dance time. I asked Ellie's friend Elise if she was in love with the guy from earlier. She said no, and that she didn't even know the guy. When we got to dancing, he wasn't anywhere to be found. As loud as I could think without actually saying it, I thought OWNED! The first slow song came. She found some tall redneck guy, and danced with him. It didn't bother me much. Anyways, the last song, I asked her to dance, and so we did. Kind of funny, really. It was like a fairy tale...I with my muddy jeans and grass-torn T-shirt, dancing with the most beautiful woman on the floor. It was great. She noticed I got taller (score!), and we talked about possibly becoming counslers at the camp.
I dunno where we're at or where we're going. Here's some evidence...and you tell me if I've got a shot.
Evidence against me:
-She said in an e-mail that I wasn't really her type.
-CROSSED OFF'D!
-She may have set up Erin to get rid of me.
Evidence for me:
-She keeps dancing with me
-We're friends
-She never said that I was too young, or ugly
-Once on the phone, I asked her what she was doing, and she kind of acted like she thought I was asking her to go somewhere
and much more for both cases.
That's my story, kids.
EDIT: Holy f---, that was long.
I've also found, and in this some may disagree with me, that the whole "determination despite everything that has happened" generally doesn't work when it comes to trying to get someone to like you, it just repels them to a greater degree. You've fought a good fight but, in my opinion, it's time to call it quits.
I'm kidding myself.
EDIT: She didn't change her AIM. Talked to her just now.
God dammit, I'm doing that thing where I go between hopelessness and determination again. I need something mind-numbing. Links please.
I know that there's a chance that that could spoil the friendship that you have, but it's going to be something you're going to have to weigh. Are you really happy with just having a friendship with her? Can you just have a friendship with her, or will you always be sucked into a state of mental turmoil whenever you think of her? If you tell her, at least you wouldn't be so uncertain anymore.
Consider carefully before doing anything.
If you really can't wait, then you could do something incredibly magnificent for her, and ask her out after that. Usually, this is just a 50/50 chance, especially if you are unsure. But, remember, you're still kids. I say give it time. Any guy really can get any girl, as long as you know exactly what to do. Now, if only I could get this one, single, cute, incredibly similar to myself personality wise, and extremely complicated girl. That would make me a happy Scott.
The upfront approach is a gamble. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Especially at your age, both guys and girls can be completely naive about these things. Who knows, maybe she's been oblivious.
One thing I've learned is that it's way, way better to have tried. If you don't do anything, then you will spend the rest of your time wondering about it. Maybe I had a chance? If you try and you fail, then hey, at least you know for sure. It sucks, but knowing is still better in my opinion. And hey, you could try and win. Then you'll be really freaking happy for a long, long time for trying.
But in the end, you need to make your own decision. You've seen some different opinions here, but none of us fully know the situation. Think long and hard about what you want and what you're willing to risk. I've been in situations where it was and was not worth the risk.
If things go right, then we'll all be happy for you and congratulate you. If not, then you can walk away with it as a learning experience, making you better suited when you get older.
EDIT: I just figured it out! I was watching TV and I figured it out! Buy TAG body spray! This one guy used it, and these three hot girls started sexily consuming whipped cream, chocolate, and other goodies! It's bulletproof!
Before you know it, she'll be dating the ex-boyfriend you and everyone else hates (including her, most of the time), and accidentally having his kid. Meanwhile, you gave her a motherfucking car.
Welcome to the future.
JUST TELL US THE GODDAMN STORY ALREADY!
ETA: I'd like to back Serephel up on his last post with a concept from the enjoyable psychology (not self-help) book Stumbling On Happiness. In general, we tend to regret things that we *didn't* do more than we regret things that we did do.
ETA Again: But that citation is not intended to supercede my take on this Ellie matter from last year or whenever this thread started. I don't think making another attempt at a relationship with her is a good idea.
Who knows, maybe Ellie's a much nicer person than I am and can handle situations better than I can; maybe she really IS oblivious to the whole thing, and you really do have a chance with her. Every single person is different, and no one here is gonna know her personality as well as you do.. perhaps you just gotta get to know her better.
And hey Fille! I don't know if that entire comment was sarcastic or not, but not EVERY young girl is clueless to how to go about relationships! A lot, yes... but not all!
If you honestly believe having her will truly make you happy, just act gay for a few months, it's done woners for Serephel and Illithid.
I WOULD TEAR OF ONE OF MY LIMBS FOR HER
Besides, chicks dig sexy scars, not Johnny peg-leg.
You can't use a leg to get to work.
Oh, wait.
Also, it's not unheard of to have a crush for 3 years. I used to, I got over it.
And ear/leg/arm severance is a rubbish idea. Testicles are where it's at.